Part 20: Episode XX: Party Hard
Episode XX: Party Hard
When last we left our heroes, one of them had just piledrived a zombie monkey...right off a bottomless pit. With that said, let's take a shit on any sort of plausibility...
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"Turn out 'em lights. We getting' freaky baby!"
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"I hopes you can handle something this long."
"You trippin' fool. That's our arm."
"Nigga, if we can stretch that like some Street Fighter Indian motherfucker just 'magine whats we be doin' downstairs."
"Daaaaaaamn."
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"Oh shit, baby! Don't be a playa hata! Awwwwharf."
Rebecca ventures back upstairs to investigate what happened with the cable car power.
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"Dats right, bitch. We done stole your radio? Duh fuck you gonna do 'bout it, cracka?"
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"OH SHIT! This crazy bitch is packin'. Pour one for me, homies! Hafragale!"
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Seems like we're back in business.
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Is Raccoon City like Springfield? It's got a massive mountainous forest on one side, a huge desert on the other side, and a cave system that would make Jules Verne blush beneath.
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Becky arrives at a seemingly innocent little platform. I'm sure escape is just a stone-throw away.
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Sure, just past this warehouse. Freedom from this game.
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...we are not where I think we are...
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A fifty yard open shaft leading down for a half mile. Jesus H. Christ, we're outside Birkin's lab from Resident Evil 2!
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This game is all just a bad dream and the ending is Rebecca waking up in that store room in Resident Evil 1 after just coming off an Umbrella sponsored bender with the chemicals in there... Right? RIGHT?!
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Someone must really like discarding that key on the floor in this monitor room. Speaking of... If Mr. X is staring at me in that camera, I quit...
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fluid inside a capsule.
Those damn humaniods! When will they ever learn?
Rebecca returns upstairs to the save room she skipped past to do the exact same thing we did in Resident Evil 2.
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You know your prequel is being put to good use when you're not bring up important character's pasts or fleshing out plotlines. No... You're graphically updating old save rooms.
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Where's the big train car thing with the toilet on it? They just installed a place for people to sit on this thing in the two months between this game?
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Down down we go. This game just has to end with Rebecca waking up in a fetal position shaking off a bad trip after she chugged a bottle of V-Jolt.
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At the bottom, we find Umbrella did a bit of renovation in the few months after this game. Namely, taking out an entire wall and connecting elevator. Oh well, I'm sure exploring the old Resident Evil 2 labs ought to be fun.
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What, now? There's no need to search a fucking secret underground base of the same evil corporation from all the other loony locations you'd had no problem farting around in?
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Rebecca is mysteriously transported to FMV land upon approaching the elevator. Nothing important is happening. It's just that Rebecca is about to encounter someone who isn't Billy and nobody else has a character model except for Billy... Even though the character in question has a perfectly good one in the REmake...
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Oh shit! Elevator! Rebecca's snap reflexes flip into action and she...hides slightly to the side of the elevator...
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Let's try that again...
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And dicking around in Birkin's laboratory... The giant reactor area that makes the whole place explode, no less.
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The entire Bravo Team is dicking around in Birkin's lab?! How could they possibly get here before Rebecca. She rode a fucking speeding train for half a hour. We're back in Raccoon City. Bravo Team walked to fucking Raccoon City, in a forest full of monsters and made it here before Rebecca... Did not a single person on this development team. One tasked to make a proper prequel for Resident Evil 1, not go 'hey...this is totally fucked. We should really try to explain this.'
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IF WE WALK STRAIGHT FROM HERE WE CAN GET BACK TO THE FUCKING R.P.D. WE'RE IN FUCKING RACCOON CITY AGAIN! AND DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME THE RESIDENT EVIL 1 MANSION IS IN FUCKING WALKING DISTANCE TOO YOU COCKSMOKING BASTARD! <tears hair out>
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<lights a cigarette> Do whatever you want, you tart.
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I don't even want to know what magic feats of shitting on geography of remote plausibility could possibly land Rebecca back in Resident Evil 1's mansion at this point.
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Great commander. Kid's first day on the job and he's already 'Meh. Whatever. Go find your serial killer buddy. I'm going out for some coffee.'
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Mostly because Rebecca is reduced to a cowering useless secondary character in Resident Evil. Just like she is here, just not playable...
Oh well, I guess that means we're not seeing any of the secondary characters again. Guess that leaves Rebecca and Dr. Leechopolis Jr. to hold the weight of the narrative on their shoulders...
Crap...
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Anyway, the elevator key is tossed next to the elevator. It's not the elevator key to that elevator. Oh no, for you see...
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Yeah... In Resident Evil 2... I want to do it again, now that I'm here, you pricks!
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Becky proceeds to the elevator that didn't exist in the previous title.
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Hmm?
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You know how this game loves to multitask... We can't have a bit of exposition without an unnecessary peril or an utterly out of place boss fight...
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So, the Tyrant in Resident Evil 1 is dubbed "T-002". Had you ever wondered what happened to "T-001"...? Me neither. But, I'm guessing Umbrella was really curious about it, since it's just sort of wandering around their multi-billion dollar underground laboratory...
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Tune in next time for more teleporting heroes, vague peril, and an elevator which bends the laws of physics. Maybe a giant frog too!
Bonus Content
When you're too lazy to make a proper cutscene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpnYcINti2Y /Backup
Proto-Tyrant. Need a reason for him being there? Too bad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVxA55oa6-Y /Backup