The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 5: Slow Day

Chapter 4: Slow Day

Re-enforcements abound!

Initiative for turn 4 goes to...

It's a tie! Cambodia and Jargonia now move on to the semifinals:

The initiative for turn 4 actually goes to...


But wait a moment, what is that unsightly bulge in Chief of Operations Medibot's trousers?

Jargonia Claims 4 bonus armies!

Bonus armies which, savvy students will note, have already been placed on the board above.

May battle commence!

Once again adding 'drowning' to 'freezing to death' and 'shot a bunch' as occupational hazards, Medibot and his men boarded ships and sailed forth to liberate the Northwest Territory.

Unbeknownst to them, however, the Smarmadonian commander, Glorious Leader Smarmy, had consolidated in secret a force of no less than five divisions to defend the area. Anticipating an attack from the east, he ordered his men to drop their mud spattered shovels and march with him to meet the enemy.

Meeting Jargonian loyalists on the shores of Hudson's Bay, Chief Medibot inquired as to the disposition of the enemy.

"How is this territory, after the occupation?"

"Pregnant," the loyalist replied, "With your enemy's divisions."

"How many?"




"Oh, I guess we'll get going then."

And so, not one to engage the enemy in anything approaching a fair fight, Chief Medibot and his men sailed home.

The End

Moving northward from Afghanistan, two divisions of Imperial soldiers sought to liberate the territory of Ural for the glory of Neo-Rome.

Unbeknownst to them, however, the Jargonian forces in the region, irrelevant in the war up until this time and lacking anything better to do, had constructed within the mountain passes the most amazing snow fort ever devised by man. From it's imposing igloo towers to it's ramparts bristling with icicle pikes, the complex stretched for miles and shielded its tiny detachment of defenders safely inside.

Despite dogged efforts by the Neo-Roman commanders, the fort could not be breached, and the attacking forces were summarily cut to pieces in the face of a massed enemy snowball assault.

In the east, General Ironicus ordered yet another tiny force in Kamchatka to attack the miniscule defenses of neighboring Yakutsk. His elfin army marched somewhere or another, eventually engaging the region's lilliputian occupation force. At least one army probably won, but nobody else was really paying attention so who cares?

Neo-Rome takes Yakutsk!

Re-enforced, General Googington led his newly emboldened force of Maudanians across the ocean from Brazil in the hopes of shattering Verdania's grip on Africa.

"Sir!" his lead scout reported to him upon his arrival in Casablanca, "It would appear the enemy has re-enforced without us knowing."

"No shit sherlock, ya think?!" the General replied, visibly irritated to what was rapidly becoming a trend with Maudanian intelligence.

The fighting itself was close, with both armies matching one another's skill and resolve. In the middle of the day, however, the defending Verdanians launched a sudden counter-attack which caught their opponents off guard. Now evenly matched, the two remaining divisions disintegrated into hand to hand combat.

The battle was close, but in the end, Verdania still held the field.

Maudania lost 3 divisions to the attack, as well as all of their scouts afterwards to severe bludgeoning.

Meanwhile, marching north from Venezuela, two divisions of Maudanian troops moved in to nearby Central America. There they clashed with Clambodian troops who, in a show of ferocity, bravely cowered inside of a ruined Mayan temple and rolled rocks down at their attackers.

Reports indicate General Googington's blog post that day was nothing more than an unintelligible stream of cursing.

Inspired by his easy success in Western Australia, Decider Roomforthetuna sailed a force of Clambodians northward to take New Guinea.

Owing perhaps to the experience of the Verdanian defenders, or perhaps the greenness of their own troops, a full division of Clambodians was lost in the assault.

In the end, however, fierce determination and a 3 to 1 troop ratio in their favor helped the Decider's troops win the day

Clambodia takes New Guinea!

Leading a desperate force of troops armed only with rusty shovels and a hilariously inflated sense of self importance, Glorious Leader Smarms swept into Ontario and clobbered the Jargonian troops there.

Curiously, according to official Smarmadonian reports, not one Jargonian soldier surrendered. Every last one, including those in the hospital too crippled to reach for their own bedpans, chose to fight to the bitter death by repeated stabbing.

Smarmadonia takes Ontario!

Taking a well-deserved vacation at his villa in the Alps, H.R.M. Balthor III couldn't be bothered with the ghastly nuisance of mounting a major campaign.

"Just send somebody somewhere to shoot something, would you?", he told his general staff, waving his hand dismissively, "Can't you see I don't care to be bothered?"

Verdanian commanders elected to move on Western Europe, where they clashed with the Maudanian defenders there.

After holding off the first wave of attackers, the commander of the Maudanian forces sought to rally his men.

"No more defeats! No more retreats! Remember my friends... remember North Africa!

"Huzzah!" the troops shouted back.

"Remember Mexico!"


"Remember Siam!"


"Remember all those times we attacked Peru from Venezuela!"


"Remember... uh.... remember... oh Christ, have we won anything?!"

At this point the Verdanians attacked and wiped them out.

Verdania takes Western Europe!


A remarkably anticlimactic round. Verdania fended off Maudania in Africa, Smarmadonia scared off Jargonia in the Northwest Territory, and a massive snow fort kept Neo-Rome out of Ural. *yawn*

Keep reading for Chapter 5, a mysterious world where Risk cards are now worth 6 armies!