The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 6: Going Global

Chapter 5: Going Global

Both Verdania and Neo-Rome elected to cash in their cards this round for 6 armies apiece...

...leaving us in the following situation:

Initiative for this round went to:

Smarmadonia! Their mud-caked shovels wave in celebration.

Moving hastily to secure his tenuous hold in North America, Glorious Leader Smarms led his armies from Ontario to seize the wacky French-speaking Clambodian stronghold of Quebec.

The attack began disastrously for the Red Army as many in their glorious peasant army had eaten their shoes on the journey over, and were thus hampered in the icy charge on the Clambodians' fort.

The battle would have surely been lost, had it not been for the equal incompetence of the soldiers within the fort, who for several crucial hours in the battle had mistaken the ragged, shovel wielding Smaradonian army for a disgruntled group of landscapers.

By the time they realized what had happened, the Red Army had smashed down their gate and was, within moments, inspecting the pockets of their deceased for loose change.

Smarmadonia takes Quebec!

Verdant Crusade

A servant entered the dimly lit study, where Blather III sat quietly reading.

"Your Majesty. Sir, a message from North Africa. They say our divisions are quite nearly prepared."

Balthor did not look up. "Has Maudania responded to our offer?"

"They have declined to accept your terms, sir."

"I see."

Looking up from his book, Balthor stared several moments into the fireplace.

"A pity," he said, quietly, " They should have been spared."


Aboard his flagship Our Lady of the True, Balthor sailed from Casablanca towards Brazil. He may have been content to leave the Maudanians in peace, at least so long as he was otherwise engaged, but General Googington's recent assault upon the African continent belied their intentions to threaten Verdanian armies there.

The Maudanians, Balthor concluded, must never again be allowed to threaten the Holy Empire.

Unbeknownst to Him, though perhaps not unanticipated, Googington had poured almost the entirety of his available troops into Brazil, in preparation to mount one more assault to break the Verdanians' grip on Africa.

Five full divisions of Maudanian troops awaited Balthor on the shores of Brazil.

What General Googington did not know, however, was the extent to which his attack on North Africa had severely pissed the Verdanian Commander off.

Googington's intelligence officers informed him of the Verdanians' landings.

"Sir, our scouts report eleven enemy divisions."

"My God," Googington gasped, "That must mean there's over twenty!"

From the ramparts of his fort, Googington watched as Verdanian troops by the thousands marched up from the shores and began to form for battle. Before him stood the single greatest army ever fielded in combat. The Grand Verdant Crusade.

He turned to his intelligence officers. "Gentlemen, I just want you all to know, right now, how much I hate you all."

Googington knew that behind is army, there was nothing left to defend Maudania. He could see that, behind his enemy, lay the sea. If he could make take the enemy first, he might be able to save his homeland from ruin. He gathered his division commanders together.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I love this land. I love this country. I love this country so much, I took it over." Googington gestured over the wall, "Gentlemen, those men have come to take this land from us, and I mean to defend it. I want you all to form your men, and prepare for a grand assault. If we go, let us go down fighting!"


Balthor and his aides looked up from their battle plans at the sound of a distant trumpet. Down from the hills, banners waving, came the Maudanian army.

"Sir!" an aide said, jumping up from his chair, "I do believe they mean to attack us!"

"So it would seem," Balthor replied, reaching for some tea, "Be a sport and take care of them, would you?"

Googington's men smashed into Balthor's right flank with the full throated might of their daring charge. In a matter of minutes, his men had isolated an entire Verdanian division and enveloped them with superior numbers. With heavy losses, they crushed the Crusaders, and a great cheer went up from among the glittering blue banners.

Then the counter-attack came.

6 Verdanian Divisions swept across the field from both the north and the south. Googington, with no way to retreat, ordered their men to charge in both directions.

Divided and engaged, the Maudanians could not prevent another 3 enemy divisions from marching in and occupying the center, splitting their army in two.

What ensued was a catastrophic bloodbath. The remaining 4 Maudanian divisions were crushed, and General Googington was carried from the field unconscious. The Verdanians had held their ground.

But the Crusade wasn't finished.

Their leader incapacitated, their intelligence officers useless, the remaining Maudanian armies in South America were easy prey for Balthor's men, who moved at their own whim throughout the continent seizing territory after territory with virtually no opposition.

In their final battle in Venezuela, however, the Verdant Crusade failed in perhaps their most important goal: the capture of the Maudanian General himself, who they soon learned had been whisked away mere hours before to the safety of Maudanian territories abroad.

Verdania takes Brazil, Argentina, Peru, and Venezuela!


"Men," said Operations Chief Medibot, clearly pontificating, "We have a problem in this continent. A problem that is very red. And smelly."

The Jargonian Commander paced back and forth, his mukluks scrunching in the snow.

"Now according to the Mainframe, you men have a highly correlated statistical probability of being the best we have. Each of you has a calculated aptitude, or 'A-score', of at least 112. For that reason, it was my computer-aided decision to bring you all together for the express purpose of clearing from this continent, once and for all, the stray dogs of interference in our backyard of independence, before they can pee on our azalea's any more."

The group officers listening looked back and forth at one another, momentarily baffled.

"I have your orders here." Medibot handed the 1,000 page stack of papers bound in packing twine to a senior officer, who grunted under its weight. "Now go out there and kick some ass, 'A-Squadron'!"

"Sir?," asked one of the officers, raising his hand, "Aren't squadrons usually for people who fly?"

"Oh... shut the hell up"


Despite being smartasses, once on the continent the A-Squadron went on to distinguish themselves as both ruthless and effective. They utterly defeated the Red Army in the Northwest Territory, and in Ontario they beat them all severely with their own shovels. In Quebec they rolled helpless enemy soldiers into festive snowmen. Moving south, they swept through the United States, ravaging women and house pets at will. By the time they reached Central America, their Clambodian opponents simply gave up and ran. The ones who couldn't get away were forced to preform immoral and degrading acts with one another in the form of country-western line dancing.

Defeated commanders would refer to the A-Squadron as 'stone cold killers', 'crazy snow fuckers', and 'the damnedest thing I ever saw'.

The A-Squadron didn't just deliver North America. They did it ahead of schedule, and without losing even one division.


Jargonia takes Northwest Territory, Ontario, Quebec, Eastern United States, Western United States, and Central America!


Continuing his policy of 'get involved in a land war in asia', General Ironicus ordered his troops from Yakutsk Westward, in hopes of unifying the whole continent under the flag of Neo-Rome once and for all...


Maudanian training base, Siberia

General Googington lay on his cot, staring intently at the flickering candle at his bedside. Outside the sounds of battle he'd been hearing began to fade, followed soon by the tramping of columns of men outside his window.

Suddenly the door swung open, harsh sunlight blinding Googington as he tried to make out the silhouette in the doorway.

"Alex? Is that you?"

The man did not respond, other than to shut the door. A few minutes went by, then voices in a foreign tongue coming from just outside. Googington struggled to his feet, wincing at the pain from his wounded chest and hand.

The door opened again, and in walked a man in full imperial dress uniform, flanked on both sides by Iron Legion soldiers. On his breast glittered the single platinum star of the commander of all Neo-Roman armies.

"General Ironicus?"

"General Googington I presume?

Defeated, Googington lowered his head and held out his hands.

"Your prisoner, sir."


Neo-Rome takes Siberia and Ural!

Feeling his options quite limited, Decider Roomforthetuna gathered together what few reserves he could muster for an attack on the Verdanian stronghold on Indonesia.

On the front, soldiers found curious the commander's tendency to hug them goodbye and then burst into tears.

Encountering the main island's defenders, Roomforthetuna ordered a full assault, then hid his face in his hands.

"I can't watch"

"Actually sir," said a nearby aide, "They do seem to be making progress."

"That's not funny."

"No sir, I mean it! The enemy is breaking, it looks like we might win!"


Looks like all that training finally paid off.

Clambodia takes Indonesia!


Monumental events have occurred, and the entire face of the war has been shifted. Everything exciting that didn't happen in the last turn was more than made up for.

No less than four continents were either seized or changed hands this round, as well as the fielding of the most massive army to date and the first nation to be forced out of the war.

In the East, Decider Roomforthetuna, having utilized a stunningly predictable attack, has finally seized the continent of Australia, helped significantly by Verdanian apathy towards their claim there.

In the West, Balthor III and his Verdant Crusade swept through Brazil's defenses and seized all of South America in a single blow, while in the north Jargonia's newly formed 'A-Squadron' conducted one of the most spectacular campaigns of the war, taking over half of North America in one turn with no casualties whatsoever.

But the real winner here may be Neo-Rome, who's chance encounter with the last of Maudania's forces led to the first elimination of the game and their seizure of the Risk cards they held. That, combined with their successful campaign to Ural and capture of the Asian continent puts them in a potentially menacing position.

As for the now-deposed General G.D. Googington, his fate lies at the whim of General Ironicus, as mitigated by the recently approved amendment to the rules.

If it's any consolation to him, it appears another commander will be joining him very soon...

The situation is tense, and could tip in any direction. Some will bend, and some must break! Which empire will be able to hold their newly won claims, and which will see them falter? And what will be the fate of General Googington, now in the hands of the Iron Legion? Stay tuned!