The Let's Play Archive


by Various

Part 22: Alamo

More cards saw the light of day. For those of you wondering about the League of Nations, the answer was 'yes'.

Then some dice were rolled, quite possibly signifying something:

Another standoff. Have it out gentlemen!

Initiative goes to Greater Somerset!

Blockaded by Lusitanian troops, his once-grand Wurzel armies smashed by spiteful fate, Grand Wurzel Sebzilla prepared what remained of his forces in New Guinea to make what was sure to be their last assault in a near hopeless bid to drive their enemy from Australia.

Tearfully draining their last flagons of cider, they said their final 'gubbyes', boarded the few remaining ships they could muster, and set sail for Indonesia.

The Wurzels' landfall in the territory went largely unnoticed at first, its occupants quite distracted with shaking down churches and orphanages for shiny things. When the Lusitanian commander was finally notified of their presence he, after an unusually lengthy bout of chortling, gave the order that two of his divisions least involved in pillaging be dispatched to eliminate them.

They were never heard from again.

A few hours later, Lusitanian officers were shocked to see a full force of Wurzel troops, waving bloody farm implements and hooting ridiculously, bearing down on their positions. The ensuing chaos worked to the attackers' advantage, as first one, then two enemy divisions were effectively surrounded and crushed in gruesome melee combat.

But then, the tide began to turn. The Lusitanian commander ordered the remainder of his forces to full arms. Now engaged with the whole of the enemy's command, the Wurzels stood little chance. Only a handful, including a severely wounded Sebzilla, managed to survive the battle, boarding their ships for the momentary safety of the Australian mainland.

They gave better than they got, but in the end the Wurzel assault was utterly defeated.

A placard was placed upon the wall of the Kamigonian base in Great Britain. It read, 'If at first you don't succeed, try taking Western Europe again'.

Following their victory in Europe, Kamigonian commanders, with orders to attack 'if at all possible', proceeded to launch a bold and decisive assault into the League of Nations' death fortress of North Africa.

It did not go well.

Kamigonia takes North Africa!

Riding high off personal gains from their controversial 'oil-for-your-continued-existence' program, League of Nations council members urged Supreme Commander Twiddy move with haste to exploit Brazen weakness in North America.

With a force of no less then seventeen divisions, Commander Twiddy marched north from Central America into the Eastern United States.

Brazen forces found themselves considerably outmatched.

Piece by peace, in a long drive along the West Coast, Commander Twiddy tore asunder the territorial gains Herr Zwiebel's men had fought so tirelessly to acquire.

In the Northwest Territory, League forces encountered the last pocket of meaningful resistance in the whole Brazen army. Among them, Esteemed Gentleperson Herr Zwiebel himself.

Not fool enough to let an opportunity such as this escape him, Commander Twiddy ordered a full attack.

With little left to lose, and commanding quite possibly the last significant force his nation could ever afford, Herr Zwiebel ordered his men to charge the enemy.

There, upon the pure white snow of the frozen tundra, the two armies met in battle.

Though greater in number, League forces quickly found themselves ill-prepared for winter combat, having themselves trained in the steamy jungles of South America. The defending Brazen troops, on the other hand, were well acclimated, and their great divisions of weatherized steam tanks afforded them remarkable speed and flexibility.

His men exhausted from the long American campaign, Supreme Commander Twiddy found his lines breaking unexpectedly. The tide of battle turned, as time and again Brazen units smashed into the attacking troops, themselves urged valiantly on by Gentleperson Herr Zwiebel as he stood tall atop a massive steam tank, gesturing wildly, his mismatched pair of monocles glinting in the sun.

Seeing his forces crippled, the battle far from won, Supreme Commander Twiddy finally called upon his remaining troops to fall back and retreat to friendly territory.

From North Africa, League forces once again moved out in force to deny the Kamigonian army control of Europe.

A communique regarding the matter was dispatched from League Headquarters to the Kamigonian Central Command. In its entirety, it read: 'No means no'.

League of Nations takes Eastern US, Western US, Alberta, and Western Europe!

After exhaustive pillaging, Lusitanian troops moved out from Indonesia to complete their utter conquest of all that remained of Greater Somerset.

However, the assault by Grand Wurzel Sebzilla, though defeated, had severely weakened the Lusitanians' forces within the region, and as the Australian campaign wore on they found themselves lacking the superiority of numbers that might otherwise have assured them victory.

Finally, in Western Australia, they found themselves turned back by the very last remaining division of battered, beleaguered Wurzel troops in a minor, but nonetheless humiliating defeat.

To the north, Admiral Hero took command of forces in Siam, leading them on a merry little jaunt to seize the territories of India and Afghanistan from Vynnlandi control.

Lusitania takes New Guinea, Eastern Australia, India, and Afghanistan!

Uncomfortable with his army's lack of utter disasters as of late, Herr Zwiebel ordered his troops in the Northwest Territory to mount a counterattack against The League that was, in retrospect, a very bad idea.

Brazen takes Amphetamines 'to dull the pain'...

His forces in the east preempted by the Lusitanians, Chairman Pinchy opted to keep his remaining troops on hold so he could take one last, long look at them.


Risk cards are now worth 12 armies!

To be continued...