Part 5: Chapter Five: Don't Give a Shit About Politics

Our town at Old Hill is growing. We've already got a couple of houses set up. It's about time we found a third wheel, so we set off for Decatas in search of our next party member.





I'm no grammarian, but I'm pretty sure that's not the correct usage of "whom".



Heading north into the peasant part of town, we go to the house of Ben. Or "Full Ben", as he likes to be called.



Ben's Wife: Ben, my husband does nothing. All he does is go to the cafe. He won't listen at all. Please tell him that he should work and not always eat. It's funny, he used to be a priest. Please, I'll give you a big reward.

Well, gluttony is a sin, I guess. We head to the cafe.



Ben: Nonsense! Don't nag me! I shouldn't be here. I'm a priest!

I didn't know the Catholic church had a problem with cafes.

Ben: I was a Kustera working to help the Aqutallion. What? You are Aqutallion? Well? Tell me again. You did say Aqutallion, right?

No, I said mathematician.

Ben: Have the once mighty and proud Aqutallion soldiers again been resurrected? Let's all fight! No time for eating, let's fight!

Ben joined you!

The Kustera have their third member, but we still need ours.





What? It's just a cafe, right?

We leave the bar-I mean cafe and visit Ben's wife, who gives us her life savings of 500 gold in gratitude.





After heading back to the main section, we learn that there's some big stuff going on in Decatas. The mayoral election is currently underway and the circus is also in town. Since we don't have a ticket, we can't get into the circus, so we head for the polling booth.



Vote taker: Are you voting? [->Yes No]

Gotta give Decatas kudos for being so progressive. Not only do they allow kids to vote, but non-citizens as well.

Vote taker: Huh...? You can't vote without a voting note.



I did? Oh no, that's not mine-*puts gun to back* I mean, yeah, that's mine. Thanks.

Vote taker: Here you are? You are the last voter. Who is elected?

Both candidates: Me!? Me!?

Vote taker: Wait a minute...let me make an announcement. A new mayor has been elected.



The candidate on the left leaves in disappointment.



New mayor: It's just as I expected. I must laugh. Ha, ha, ha...

Welcome to the Republican party.





Aww, poor guy. Back to the entrance of Wal-Mart you go.

We then stop by the church, where the priest informs us that Cody, his pupil, has gone missing. Sounds like a similar situation that Tina had. We go pay a visit to the ethical, upstanding new mayor of Decatas as well.





Mayor: What do you want? I see...you thought you could take advantage of me...huh! I do not fear you!

Trust is not this guy's strong suit. But I suppose that's why he's the mayor now.

Mayor: O.K., you can have this. That is more than enough for kids.

Got Ticket!!



Why yes, I AM so anything! Thank you for noticing!







Ah! Sank you! We wirr enjoy most honoraburr!



Foreshadowing! There's really nothing going on in the main area of the circus, so we go to the back.



Tina: We would like a job in the circus. Who do we see about a job?

Tina's a quick thinker. Probably the most character development she ever gets in the game.

Clown: Huh? You mean manager Garados?



No, not that one.

Clown: I see...go through this room. There should be a great item on the way. I wonder if you can find it. Ha, ha.

We go through the unnecessary maze, up on top of the rafters, picking up Woodshoes and an AngleHat along the way, and find a lion in the very back room.



Lion: Help me! My name is Cody...I was working at the temple in Decatas, and the circus head Garados kidnapped me. He turned me into a lion. Tell...tell the priest!

Garados appears out of nowhere.



Garados: My name is Garados. I am a follower of Homncruse. Yes, this lion is the 3rd Aqutallion that you seek. Now I have him. You are nothing if the five of you can't join. Aha, ha, ha, ha...!

Garados and Cody vanish. The circus completely vanishes as well.



Weren't there like...a hundred more people in there?

After telling the priest what happened with Cody, he tells us that our next stop should be the town of Bonzley, as that's where the circus came from. As it's across that raised bridge near Winds from before, we'll need to find the key in order to lower it.





Guy: It was stolen from a bratty kid who buried it somewhere. I can't find it. The kid said it must be by Giant.



I'm guessing that's supposed to be "shucks". On his advice, we go to Giant and enter Morgan's hole. No, not like that. Sickos.



Where'd he go?



I can only imagine how many kids must have quit the game at this point. Yes, you're seeing it right. You have to walk into the black space beyond the texture.



Morgan: A key...hummm...I remember one I found while I was digging the hole. Here it is. Do you need it? [->Yes No]

No, of course we don't need it! We just came by for a chat and a spot of tea! Seriously, what's the point of having yes/no options?

Morgan: I don't need it, so you may have it. Since I'm busy, please go if you are done.

Got Win-Key!! (shouldn't it be called Bridge-Key or something? The hell is a Win-Key?)

We lower the bridge and head for Bonzley. Tina's star shrine is on the way, but she's too weak to beat the spirit there, so we save it for later. Eventually, we come across a man trapped in gold inside a cave.



Kaja: I am Kaja, a chemist. I changed myself into gold by accident. Will you help me? [->Yes No]

Since he's blocking the path to Bonzley, we have no choice, even though we'd be better to leave him so he can learn his lesson for tampering with the natural order due to human greed.

Kaja: Thank you, I owe you one. To the south, a monster is hiding in a big forest. His name is Sidon. His moustache can help change me back to normal. Please bring it to me. I need it.

It's at this point that I officially have to say WTF. They must have been on some serious drugs when programming this part. Off to the forest we go in search of a monster's gold-dissolving moustache.





Guide: The forest is vast, so you've better take Rat-Tail. (or the Flee spell which we learned at like level 3) However...what is it that is so fun about chasing that kind of monster around?

It's not fun. At all. The forest is a big maze, and it's easy to get lost if you don't know where you're going. I'm only doing this lameass fetch quest because some douche turned himself to gold in a conveniently-the-exact-size-of-a-human-being tunnel.







This is more annoying than it looks. I'm not sure how annoying it looks to you, but whatever it is, it's more than that.

After a lot of chasing our own asses around, we finally find the retarded-looking bastard smack-dab in the middle.



Sidon has some somewhat strong attacks and can put you to sleep, but he's not too tough. At least not as tough as the next boss is going to be. We beat him, take his moustache, and use it to return Kaja to normal. He gives us a nice 2000 gold in return and directs us to Bonzley.



Hey, look who it is! I like how they didn't even bother with a palette swap. They just increased his stats and gave him the Freeze 2 spell.



We have no choice but to walk across the snow and take damage, since we don't yet have the spell to prevent it. Once inside, we learn that the snow came all of the sudden due to Garados's curse.



Even though there's 10 feet of snow, we can still enter the shops. We buy some armor and weapon upgrades. Including something very nice...



Remember when I said you can get guns?



BOOM TAKE THAT BITCH I CAP YO ASS

*ahem*

We leave Bonzley and head for a cave down south, where Garados is hiding.





That reminds me, I should go back to the Ringo House and get whatever was behind the green gate. This dungeon is kind of long and filled with enemies like wolves, polar bears, and tarantulas. Since we'll need our magic for Garados, we just run from all the fights. I did some grinding beforehand anyway. Along the way, I pick up a Cowboyhat for Ray (that'll go nicely with the gun) and a Powercane for Tina. After going through the dungeon, we find Garados.



Garados: Now, Garados will seal your fateful doom!

Who translated that line? A 10 year old boy?



This is where the gloves come off. The game is done playing nice. Everything above and below the belt is fair game. Garados not only knows a host of spells to mute, confuse, and put you to sleep, but he can cast Freeze 2 and Snow Storm, which is even more powerful than Freeze 2 and can deal upwards of 45 damage to your party. Mute is especially dangerous, as you NEED Heal 2 in this battle, and if both Ray and Tina are muted, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.



Tina learned Fast 2, which I have her use on Ray to increase his speed and defense by 4. I alternate between Fast 2 on Ray and Slow on Garados. Since Ray's normal attack doesn't do a lot of damage even after several Slows, I have Ray use his newfound Fire 2 spell, which does an impressive 42 damage.



No choice but to use it. Tina's out of MP and Ray needs to be healed.



Talk about a wonderful sight to see. We come out of this long and painful battle with our asses barely intact and 2339 exp.

Garados: Blast it!...don't think that you've won! There is no way to rescue lion Cody. Ha, ha...aha, ha!





As Garados dies, so does the curse on Bonzley. We go to the back room and find a gold lion statue.



Tina: He's been turned into gold? Let's take him anyway!

At last, we've found our third party member. But he's in a bit of a state. Perhaps a certain monster's facial hair will still be of some use...

See Ya!