Part 27: Bonus 8. The Iceburn Ward
Bonus 8. The Iceburn Ward
There was only one way to follow up a good revenge plot and that was with a contest to win ski equipment.
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Brett made up the posters, which was typical because he got it completely wrong. Lucas officiated the "5th Annual Beaver Creek Poetry Competition..."
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...by revealing it was actually the 5th Annual Sick Stuff Giveaway.
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I guess I should explain the rules. This worked like the burn competition, only I'd be facing multiple opponents and I had to burn them with snowboard-related quips.
Your fucking guess is as good as mine.
My first opponent was...
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Conor?! Didn't I get him arrested/killed by his father?
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What to say....
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Oh yeah! Did I mention that we were all experience snowboarders with knowledge of the lingo? First Conor cheats on me, and now he's trying out-lingo me and swipe ski equipment that he could easily afford and technically tried to steal from this very shop just moments ago?
What a dickbag.
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Of course, I don't need to tell you the best answer to this!
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I was shocked! His Park Ave. quip was stunning, considering that Brett and I have both firmly established he's richer than both of us combined.
They couldn't have you face off against Alex? At least she's into snowboarding. Or Lucas with Brett as referee?
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It was a good burn. Or so the game tells me. I had to flirt my way out of this.
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Yes?
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Okay, now what the fuck? Incidentally, this is the only point so far we're able to use an item.
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I'd find out in Round Two.
It was time for Round Two.
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I was happy to see it was...
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Kiki! My ex-best-friend who hooked up with my boyfriend!
I was happy to see her, somehow, but I decided I had to be angry.
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It was time to take this Ho-Bag down a few notches.
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Decisions, decisions...
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My thoughts exactly.
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Please, I can outburn her in my fucking sleep.
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There was only problem with Kiki, she'd resort to backdoor shenanigans and I don't just mean when a condom wasn't handy. What? We had girl talk.
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I just mean, like, if you know the guy and he doesn't have any open sores or anything, you can totally avoid pregnancy. Just make sure to use a lot of-
Oh!
TWo could play the harlot game.
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Translation: Lucas you are an anal virgin, and my strap-on and I are going to change that.
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I decided to give him a hedgehog.
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Anyway, the winner was:
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Damn straight. And for the third and final round.
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Hey, Sprung got it right! Leanne actually did mention she snowboards in Brett's game! It's like watching a retarded dog actually fetch a stick, even though it was just random and the dog didn't actually know what the fuck it was doing. But, still.
Good boy, Sprung! Good boy!
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How could I top that?
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Then Lucas just announced his inner-self to the whole room for no reason.
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I can't fuckin' write to this shit. They contradicted themselves twice in the same stage!
And the winner of the Snowboarding Def Jam Poetry Sick Giveaway Scavenger Hunt...
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Yay.
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And I finally got that hot dog that I wanted the whole time.
Coming up next stage... we get revenge on Conor!
Yeah, somehow, I'm serious.
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And also, fine, we didn't really win a hot dog.
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