Part 27: Bonus 8. The Iceburn Ward
Bonus 8. The Iceburn Ward
There was only one way to follow up a good revenge plot and that was with a contest to win ski equipment.
Brett made up the posters, which was typical because he got it completely wrong. Lucas officiated the "5th Annual Beaver Creek Poetry Competition..."
...by revealing it was actually the 5th Annual Sick Stuff Giveaway.
I guess I should explain the rules. This worked like the burn competition, only I'd be facing multiple opponents and I had to burn them with snowboard-related quips.
Your fucking guess is as good as mine.
My first opponent was...
Conor?! Didn't I get him arrested/killed by his father?
What to say....
I'm gonna butter that board like a piece of toast!
Oh yeah! Did I mention that we were all experience snowboarders with knowledge of the lingo? First Conor cheats on me, and now he's trying out-lingo me and swipe ski equipment that he could easily afford and technically tried to steal from this very shop just moments ago?
What a dickbag.
Of course, I don't need to tell you the best answer to this!
As if, lottoey. I'll be shredding the mountain while you face plant on the bunny hill.
I was shocked! His Park Ave. quip was stunning, considering that Brett and I have both firmly established he's richer than both of us combined.
They couldn't have you face off against Alex? At least she's into snowboarding. Or Lucas with Brett as referee?
It was a good burn. Or so the game tells me. I had to flirt my way out of this.
Hey Lucas, can you teach me how to nose manual later?
Okay, now what the fuck? Incidentally, this is the only point so far we're able to use an item.
I'd find out in Round Two.
It was time for Round Two.
I was happy to see it was...
Kiki! My ex-best-friend who hooked up with my boyfriend!
I was happy to see her, somehow, but I decided I had to be angry.
It was time to take this Ho-Bag down a few notches.
I can gap the frozen creek in the back country trail.
My thoughts exactly.
Please, I can outburn her in my fucking sleep.
You're like an Arctic Cougar, only young and poor.
There was only problem with Kiki, she'd resort to backdoor shenanigans and I don't just mean when a condom wasn't handy. What? We had girl talk.
I just mean, like, if you know the guy and he doesn't have any open sores or anything, you can totally avoid pregnancy. Just make sure to use a lot of-
TWo could play the harlot game.
First you gotta come with me and rip the sweet cherry powder on the Southside.
Translation: Lucas you are an anal virgin, and my strap-on and I are going to change that.
I decided to give him a hedgehog.
Hey! Where'd you find Buttercup?
Anyway, the winner was:
Damn straight. And for the third and final round.
Hey, Sprung got it right! Leanne actually did mention she snowboards in Brett's game! It's like watching a retarded dog actually fetch a stick, even though it was just random and the dog didn't actually know what the fuck it was doing. But, still.
Good boy, Sprung! Good boy!
How could I top that?
I can boost ten feet off the tabletop with my eyes closed.
Then Lucas just announced his inner-self to the whole room for no reason.
I can't fuckin' write to this shit. They contradicted themselves twice in the same stage!
And the winner of the Snowboarding Def Jam Poetry Sick Giveaway Scavenger Hunt...
And I finally got that hot dog that I wanted the whole time.
Coming up next stage... we get revenge on Conor!
Yeah, somehow, I'm serious.
And also, fine, we didn't really win a hot dog.