Part 23: 23 - Yep, There Goes My Brain
23 - Yep, There Goes My Brain
Holy shit, took you long enough. I almost had to eat Tricky.
Big words from a guy hiding in his cockpit.
Shut up. Where was I? Oh yeah. The fucking Shrine.
The Shrine! The Shrine! The Shrine!
What the fuck.
In a token display of competence the shrine started not with a huge ladder, but with a Boost Pad. It was nice to begin with a little jump start.
This is it? Just some fire and a timed run to the end? Real scary.
The next room was even stupider. Standing on the switch simultaneously lowered the water level and raised the gate at the end of the room. Was it supposed to be a maze? Fox barely even needed to turn to dodge the spikes. So stupid.
Ugh. This room almost brought me to tears. Why, you silly sons of bitches? Why?
The worst was yet to come, though.
Oh come on, we're almost at the best part!
[The Test of Fear: Viddler]
[I just wanted to stop and say that this was the first time I had ever actually watched what happens during the test. Normally, stopping to watch what's going on causes you to fuck up and fail the test.]
Here it comes! Here it comes!
You're so excited about it, you explain it.
Ok, so the Krazoa came out, right? Well, he floats down all like "I'm gonna possess your body" and shit, and then BAM!
Now you get to know fear.
Is that left over hamburger?
Yeah. Great. Truly, you are a master of comedy.
Like you could have done better.
Great, another spirit. I ain't carrying that huge cooler, though.
I've already got it planned out. Slippy, teleport that down.
What the fuck, dude.
Get in line.
Anyways, that insanity mostly over and my blood-alcohol rising rapidly, we returned to the WarpStone. I try not to think about how.
See how fast that was? The WarpStone barely had time to realize we were here!
Wot in the Christ is tha' thing?
It is...the future.
God you're a retard.
Well, A'll nae warp such an abomination of nature!
Way to go, Fox.
Hokey religions and ancient warp stones are no match for a good cooler at your side, kid.
So, what, are you going to ride that thing up onto a mountain?
I guess I'll just go low-tech.
Let me out! I promise I won't possess your body! Just get me away from this...stuff!
Amazingly enough, the Warp Stone actually placed us inside at that inactive warp platform. From there it was just a straight shot to the central chamber.
Since we had only gained one real ability since we were last here there was only one door we could logically use.
Oh god, the juices...However! Payback time!
Heh, I bet you were thinking of sucking me in and spitting me out somewhere, eh?
Good thing I beat up that little green kid a while back.
God I hate you.
Get in line.
We finally got back. Of course, the shit kept heaping up.
This whiny ThornTail was bellowing like a stuck pig.
I am a bit low on health.
They aren't PukPuk Eggs, you animal!
Whatever, you hypocrite.
The chamber looked fine, and every other time we had gone to see that ThornTail she was worrying about her eggs. This time, though, it appeared she was actually right.
[Egg Thief Minigame: GameVee | Viddler]
I don't know why the hell you would put your eggs in a room with four tunnel entrances in it, but killing the poppers when they came out was pretty easy. When they started to really come in droves, Fox just obliterated the whole room with a Ground Quake. Neither of us could figure out how that didn't break the eggs, but then we noticed we didn't really care.
Lady, you're a god damned idiot. That has to be about the worst possible room to lay a clutch of eggs in.
As much as we hated it, and as little sense as it all made, there actually was something we needed.
Unsurprisingly, it was a shrine.
Oh, if only.
Anyways, the staff could now be used to open even more shit that it had no business opening.
The options were endless!
Unfortunately, Fox is dumb.
Seriously, you talking to my mom was the best you could come up with?
I'm a doer, not a thinker.
Of course, with no real purpose for this new ability, it was good news for people who love bad news.
Son, your father has been taken prisoner within the Walled City.
Yeah, I know. We've known he was captured since, like, the fifth update.
Of course, life is not without a sense of irony.
I wish it were that simple.
Here it comes.
Not quite there.
Dad's a GateKeeper?
This just in, the leader of a tribe of dinosaurs is the GateKeeper!
Yes, and a wise one at that. When Scales came to our land your father knew that the SharpClaw would come for him, and so he hid his-
Whoa, he showed some fucking discretion? We need to save this guy before the only intelligent dinosaur on this planet is killed!
Yeah, I knew this shit would get even stupider.
Maybe you might have some idea?
Yes, but how the fuck did Scales get into the Walled City anyway if the King's powers were locked in a fucking room?! How do you do that anyway? This shit makes no sense! Fuck you all, I'm out of here.
...Ok. Just hold on a minute. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Fox went for a walk. A really long walk. So long, in fact, that he ended up in this cave in Cape Claw. It also just so happened to have one of those portals!
The door went friggin' nuts when the staff was put in it.
I need to blow something up.
Ultima Ratio Vix, I guess.
Satisfied, you whacko?
Blowing that rock up actually revealed the shrine we couldn't get into earlier, so something useful actually came out of Fox's stupidity. Inside, though...
What're ya buyin?
Heheheh, thank you.
This has not really helped my headache.
At any rate, the Staff was finally at its maximum capacity and had all of its abilities, which meant no more stupid shrines to find.
Deep breath, Fox, deep breath. You can do this. This won't give you an aneurysm.
Nope, that's it. My brain is on strike until the end of this mission.
Heh, like that'll change anything.
Yyyyep. Space jizz that was stored in a closet just flew into the sky and opened a wormhole. That just happened.
Yo, Fox, let's go.
MAKE IT END OH GOD PLEASE MAKE IT END THE PAIN WON'T STOP IT'S IN MY BRAIN I NEED IT TO STOP OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHY STOP PLEASE OW NO OH GOD STOP IT HELP PLEASE NO WHY
There? Happy? Can we fucking go now?
I'm still crying from that last bit! Ahahaha!
Oh shut up and get in the trunk.
I wonder how dinosaurs built pyramids.
The same way the other pyramids got built!
Wait, enslaved Jews? That...doesn't make any sense. Please tell me it isn't dino-jews or something.
Ok, I won't.
Can I just go already?!
[Walled City Flight: GameVee | Viddler]
[The number of required gold rings is nearing its peak, but the levels don't have quite as many physical objects as CloudRunner Fortress, so they're functionally easier to grab. The doors are fucking obnoxious because I'm not aware of any way to speed up temporarily (Rare, it's called 'on-rail shooter' for a reason, you cocks), so they just shut on you no matter what you do. I'm still annoyed that I missed that last gold ring because then I would have finally picked up all ten rings.]
So it's half-Aztec half-Chinese? I don't get it.
Maybe they also enslaved some Chinese people and we can enjoy a minecart ride!