Part 12: More Useless Stuff
Chapter 11: More Useless Stuff
More useless stuff, of course, includes "Private Actions."
That there is pretty much the best exchange we're going to see in the entire game. There is technically one better scene in the game, but you can only get it if you're playing as Claude, and it involves a little girl who kicks you in the dick because she thinks you're a kidnapper.
She does this all three times you meet her, because Claude is a very slow learner.
oh no he's secretly jack the ripper isn't he
They are, of course, blissfully unaware of Billy's spying eyes.
actually if you witnessed anything it was probably some barrels, considering you were staring at them the whole time.
Anyway, it was right about here that I remembered that there was some kind of NPC hiding behind this railing, and since he was the last NPC I had left to pickpocket in this city, I went ahead and did just that.
Anyway, when we leave the city, we see a red ZeeToo. I guess she is angry because that dude tried to cut her up or something?
"me honestly how they feel. He's so innocent..."
Billy quickly shuts her up, reminding us that we have much more... ahem, "important" things to do.
So before setting out to Cross Cave, we should get appropriately equipped.
I must've stolen this off of someone. Not a bad haul.
NOW we can go to the cave.
Cross Cave is, at best, a treasure dungeon. At worst, it's a forced diversion.
The problem with calling it a "treasure dungeon" is that its gimmick is that it's already been looted of all of its useful treasures, as you can see from the empty pre-rendered treasure boxes.
There are a few boxes leftover, though.
You can add this to the list of items you will never see used.
It's actually not terrible against the last boss because the game only tries to predict and character movements to judge where the boss icon should move, so you can use a damage item like this to hit him and cancel a spell since the AI is only dodging you and your damage pixels, and not your items, but then again, it's the last boss and there are much better items to use in that battle.
FLOOR IS LAVA
Actually no, it just looks like that. I don't even know what the fuck it's supposed to be.
That isn't to say that this dungeon doesn't have a few tricks up its sleeve. It taunts you with a few treasure boxes that we can't get to, as pictured here.
So how do you get them?
Take the long way, which is an image that got eaten in the update process. Damn shame, it shows a door that's hidden by facing away from the player.
This is the only worthwhile item of the bunch here (it revives everyone in the party with 60% HP), but even then you can mass produce these for the less than the price of a Resurrection Bottle (revives one character with 60% HP).
Anyway, here we are at the back of the cave.
There is a giant ominous rock in the middle of this room that GLOWS, but oddly enough (or not), its only purpose is to look pretty. Seriously. Also it looks vaguely lke it's flipping you off.
JUST GREAT. Jesus Christ, I am getting rid of you as soon as I can.
Anyway, to deflect some of her shame, ZeeToo changes the subject.
Billy's answer, which takes about five text boxes to say, is basically, "I dunno." ZeeToo then notes that there is no healing in Heraldry, which is strange because you can totally heal yourself with simple Heraldry in later Star Ocean games, but like it's been pointed out a number of times in this thread before, the only game in the series you shouldn't pretend doesn't exist is this one.
Oh, good for you, Tallgeese. You get ten points for this update.
... Geese, give me back those ten points.
And you, you didn't do shit. Shut up.
So here's the treasure room. It's full of nothing.
Well, okay, we do get the Ancient Writings.
"So, like, what are these Ancient Writings things?"
"Oh, probably Ancient Writings."
So nobody can actually read the Ancient Writings.
Oh! guess what, i'm a linguistics scholar irl
Shall I tell you guys what's written there? I bet I can read it!
It says... *major plot spoilers* Expel gets destroyed, Billy and Friends go to Energy Nede, they kick the Ten Wise Men's asses, and use Time Paradox Magic to bring Expel back to where it was right before it got destroyed. *end plot spoilers*
You know what the best part about this is? You never find out what is written there and it is never mentioned again EVER unless you recruit a specific character and keep his friendship levels with the rest of the party so low that he doesn't get a paired ending with anyone else.
So there's some crappy loot in here, but Heart Barriers isn't too shabby. Books are another way of circumventing the Skill Point prices, as they will raise one character's related skill level by 1, up to 5, for free.
But as mentioned before, you get more than enough SP to get the skills three times over even without Perseverance, so books are crappy, just less crappy than everything else in this damn "treasure room."
Finally, this box isn't a treasure at all. It calls some monsters for you to fight and it's completely pointless to open it. So I don't.
Anyway (I really like that word, if you haven't noticed), while we were going through this cave, Tallgeese maxed out Air Slash. It is now huge, gold, super-fast, and does bonus damage (1.2x normal damage, I think?). It also makes Geese do some blue ninja shadow shit.
Anyway, we're finally done with this shit.
Yeah you tell it like it is, 'Geese.
--wait, no that's a terrible idea
no GO AWAY
NO WHAT AM I DOING
AAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK
Well, there goes the neighborhood.
I have a completely illogical explanation for this. I absolutely hate mage-type fighters in this game, but I feel obligated to have at least one pure mage. There are only two in this game, and one only joins you if you're playing as Claude. The only other "mage" character is Noel, who is more of a hybrid of a healer/mage anyway.
But like I said in the title of this update, you know what just happened? A lot of nothing. I hope you liked it, because this game is a series of nothing. It's like playing the fucking Seinfeld JRPG or someshit, I dunno.
And now, READER INPUT TIME!!!!!
WRITE a short essay (100-300 words) arguing a case for Opera or Ashton. Or don't, just write something entertaining. Either way, this thread may hinge on your writing ability, so I hope at least some of you rolled with the Writing Ability talent. GET CREATIVE YOU ASSHOLES
also for pubbie readers, register and opinionate you cheapskates