Part 16: Private Action Sequence

Chapter 15: Private Action Sequence


Now, ZeeToo is too lost in her thoughts to do anything, but Billy mans up and drags her off to save the man who won her heart with a single word.


"Fuckin' pissing and moaning for the rest of the entire goddamn game, I don't wanna put up with that shit"


"Be careful ZeeToo, he speaks Ebonics"




You see, if these soldiers actually laid hands on someone, the kingdom would get slapped with a lawsuit faster than a certain fire department that didn't hire underqualified minorities.




That's not your name, Billy! You silly thing.


This is actually a political marriage between two countries. We're about to ruin it. Oddly enough, this is the most eventful thing that will happen throughout the remainder of this entire game.




Ahh. The power of love. Or something ridiculous like that.


"No."


Well, at least she's a good sport about it.

Later...





That's what happens when you propose to a stripper, dude.




"It'll still be no, of course"


I didn't think that a hooker would believe in such a wishy-washy thing.


"Oh, to be so naïve."


So let's ditch this place before Princess Rosalia comes after us with a knife.




Not, of course, before we just steal Chris's crown.


Okay, so the idea is we're supposed to stop off at Mars Village overnight before going to the Port of Herlie because it's a really, really far walk.


Except, like, you can SEE the next town just down the fucking road.

As much as I wish we could just skip Mars, because it's the most retarded and useless event in the history of video games, we can't. We could if I was playing as Claude, but Mars is where we get introduced to Dias Knox and, while it's like getting your face introduced to a bucket of glass, I went through a lot of trouble to make as entertaining as possible.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from dicking around in Herlie first.


Geese, are you... y'know...?


Anyway, we do our pickpocketing rounds. We steal some medicine from a dying girl.





Not pictured, I also stole a Forged Checks from another guy in this bar. This will make everything much easier for us in the near future.

On our way out of town...





Like any sensible person, Billy walks into a dark warehouse to see what the shouting people are talking about.


God dammit, Billy.


God forbid that a lady screams.


Yul is a gigantic pussy. That is what this Private Action is about.

Anyway, if you do another Private Action after seeing this scene,

you find Yul in some pawn shop-type place.

There's a big scene where he introduces himself and talks about HIS DREAMS, but we don't give half a shit about any of that.


When we try to leave town, though, our party doesn't show.


Some thugs do, though.


bitch i am level 35


"Something with the nails or the teeth-yeah, the teeth!"


Oh, well that isn't threatening at all.




Okay, we'll just leave this hole then I guess.

It might be interesting to note that this is where we stole some equipment from much earlier in the LP. Those images got eaten, I think, but at least we can see the mansion now.

Now I don't really know how she came to this conclusion, but whatev'.




So basically this guy with the ponytail is a kind of gang boss or something.




Zand is a badass motherfucker. I'd take him over Dias any day, but oh well.


He has thousands of HP, and Rena shouldn't be able to kill him. However, he is killable if you're strong enough like we are. I like how Enix put more work and minor branches into a goddamn optional cutscene than they did into the actual story--after all, their favorite thing is Unbeatable Scripted Bosses, which become a theme about a third of the way through the game and don't stop until the end.




freshens up the toilet every time!

Actually, Magical Drops are pretty much the best item and freeze all enemies in place for a short period, perfect for lining up some good attacks on the final boss.

By beating Zand, Billy loses relationship points with Geese. If Zand wins, she gains RP with Geese. I guess he just doesn't like self-sufficient women or something?






Yeah dude if a chick had to save my ass, the last thing on her mind would probably be how much of a man I am.


See?

Actually, I take back what I said about people working hard on this shit. Enix could've taken the time to make a secret ending out of this, but they neglected to do even that.


Well anyway, that's the end of that.

And it's the end of this update. Next time, we go to Mars.