Part 22: Chapter 8-1

So when we left off, Vickie was yammering at Karson. I feel like I’ve seen this bit of dialogue before though.



Yeah, I have, one update ago. What are they…



Oh. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!



The game helpfully shows us this over here…



…and zooms in on a key. I’m guessing we’ll be needing that.



So now we have about three minutes or so. Should that expire…



Karson apparently loses interest in his riveting conversation with Vickie.







“Here, you have something on your chin there, let me just…”







Much like Chuckles, I kind of question Karson setting up this big elaborate scheme with Paloma if he was just going to knife her.



Anywho, rewinding. We’ll soon see a dire flaw with Karson’s plan.



He tied up Paloma’s hands, but not her feet and left her on a fucking swivel chair. So we’re free to putter around the room at a snail’s pace.



This is about as ridiculous as it looks.



So scoot on over here to the table saw. Which is harder than it looks, as Paloma will stop in her tracks at any sort of obstacle, and you can’t operate the saw unless you’re in *just* the right spot.



Did I forget to mention that should Paloma run into anything, she’ll stop, complain about it and then do a very slow roundabout in her swivel chair? I seriously got killed like three times here just because she was wasting so much goddamn time.



Anyway, once you have your hands free, scoot over here again to grab the key. Then…

http://youtu.be/ktCNPOtpDE4



I just…yeah. So we’re over here now, back in the room with the computer and the convoluted laser trap. It’ll take Karson about three minutes to kick the door in.



Yeah, maybe you should help, instead of watching like some weirdo voyeur.



Control goes back to Vickie. Should she waste three minutes without doing anything useful…



“Candygram!”







Yeah, he knifes you and you die. Again.



Rewinding…



So our goal is that sealed room upstairs from Vickie, but you might recall we don’t have a password for it.



Luckily, we now have that functioning camera into the room Karson was screwing around in.







Okie dokie. Unlocking that.



Of course, this game sucks so it doesn’t give you the entire password and leaves you to waste some time picking one of two random options. Choosing the second one…

http://youtu.be/pq4mSInwYNM



I miss the days when we were foiled by laser hallways. Ugh, now we’re back to Paloma. We…




GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME



So back to Paloma. Again, three minutes or so before Karson kicks the door in. No, you can’t hide in the closet here which was my first thought.




This is *really* not the time for that.



You can, however, pull this entire shelf free and take it with you. Do so, jog back over and shove it in front of the door.



You’re really bad at this serial killer thing with Chuckles dead, aren’t you?



Meanwhile, over by the computer, the phone lights up. We’ll just head over there.



…thanks, Paloma.





Oh, you are not. You’re standing in front of two tiny jets of fire, you big baby.

“I’ve managed to barricade the door…but I don’t know how long it’ll hold! Come quick!”





And it’s back to the most useless fucking cop ever.



She spies Karson apparently still trying to puzzle out that door problem.



And…Hawker wanders up behind him.



I’d call it highly improbable, but you’re the FBI agent.



Hawker gets the drop on Karson, pulling his gun.



Hawker then plugs Karson in the fucking head.



He says something that can’t be made out as there’s no sound on this particular camera.





Yeaaaah, I kind of doubt it. The game hasn’t launched into an ending cutscene or anything.



So we’re controlling Vickie again. Back out of the room and over here.



Which you may recall takes us to the prison cell hallway. The ladder up goes to the house, but no sooner are we up there than our phone rings.





Well, that and I was *just in* the underground. I didn’t see no Hawker.



Back into the house, through the kitchen.



Over here.



Maybe you’re smelling the smoke coming out of my ears from having to manipulate Paloma’s swivel chair around.



The source of the smell is here on the floor.



So break out the electronic nose, which I’m pretty sure hasn’t seen use since like chapter 2.



That’s…thrilling.



To the right from there, grab this soldering iron. Shame Karson is dead, or we could give him some minor and irritating burns.





So for that, break out the socket wrench which you hopefully grabbed, or it’s backtracking for you.



Voila. To the right from there is a door.



And this is totally not important right now as we can go right through the door.



And we wind up right where Karson was all at us.



I…laser hallways? Do you remember those? Granted, you refused to run through those either and made your army of laser spiders die for your cause, but still.



Sigh. Click the box over here.



Use your newly found wheel to turn off the flames. Rather than go that way though, we’ll be heading back the way we came.




Oh hi Karson, you worthless goddamn excuse for a villain.



I guess that is kind of ironic, in a “Really stretching the definition of the word” sort of way.



We’ll be needing this key he dropped.



And over here is a bullet hole that can be examined.



Damn you, bullet hole! Usually it’s the bullets that kill people!



Run that through the scanner. This is required for us to move on.



And you might recall there was another of those outside.



As so.



So this one killed Garris. Incidentally, no amount of scanning the bullets let me do what the game was suggesting here. Hawker then calls us.





And we can ask him some stuff. Well, why not.

“How did you manage it, James? All the cops are dead…how were you able to escape the massacre?”



“Where are you, James? Still with Hernandez? I couldn’t find you in the house…”





“Fucking phone!”

Yeah well, that’s what you get for using Verizon. You’re free to do as Hawker said and go check out the fence, but nothing’s there.



So instead, head back inside and all the way to the computer downstairs, where Hawker calls again.





Yeah, that’s…pretty much my thought exactly, game. Bravo.

“I still can’t find you…where are you, for God’s sake?”





Come again?


“What? What are you…?”



And so we do, using the camera feeds again.



Man, Hawker works fast. I could swear I left Paloma in a barricaded room like a whole five minutes ago.







And the phone rings. Again.









Yeah, this seems about as good a place as any to start.

“You’ve lost your mind. Do you realize what you’ve done?”



“James…you’re sick. Snap out of it, for God’s sake. Think of the FBI agent you used to be…”





“I don’t understand anything you’re saying…”



“You did all this out of vengeance? Because you think I betrayed you?”

Well, when you put it that way, this is kind of your fault, Vickie.







…now, I’d get your “Boogaboo look at me, I’m Jigsaw” thing, if the list of victims thus far hadn’t consisted of random women, a few cops, and Garris.



Too easy, not even touching that one.







“One psycho sparking off another.”

I would have gone with “You’re both retarded” but that works too.







So new goal, find a way back into the shelter. The doors now being locked…somehow.



Well, we have a login.



We don’t have a password that works anymore.



Fortunately, I see the answer on the printer right over here. I’ll just click that, and…





I said. I’ll just click that, and…



Yeah. Welcome to an absolutely game breaking bug. You need to click that paper to proceed, but the game won’t do anything with it. Vickie just kind of aimlessly wanders in circles.



In confusion, I eventually tried calling Hawker back. Nothing. Googling the problem confirmed that, yes, it is a bug and it was recommended to download a save file past the problem. Not bloody likely. I’d rather just quit the stupid game.



As it turns out, the answer is back at Walter Sullivan’s corpse. You need to scan over here for Hawker’s fallen gun. You have to do this *before* messing around on the computer downstairs.



Then you can do the second database scan on the bullets.





And then Hawker calls you when you mess with the second bullet outside.

“James? I have one point I wanna clear up…”


Ask about the bullet.

“It was your gun that was used on Garris. Got an explanation?”



“Christ, what are you playing at? It’s not possible! You? Did you kill Garris?”





Then it’s back downstairs, and now you’re allowed to look at the goddamn printout.





Which lets you check out the mask over here, which can’t be done before the printout is clicked.





And just to top things off, I clicked the computer while standing off to the side of it, resulting in Vickie typing using the power of her mind.



Why. Just. Why.



And then the game picks up as usual with Hawker’s conversation. It’s fortunate that I had a save game that wasn’t too far back, but still, Jesus tapdancing Christ. Did anyone playtest this thing? Anyone?



Ugh. So after Hawker lets you off the line, go to the door by the cabinet, and…

http://youtu.be/6eXNKa3Zk14





I’m presuming that costume is supposed to have a gasmask to go with it, but you look ridiculous without it, Hawker.



And then Hawker was horribly incinerated by his own trap, the end. Can I go home now?





And Hawker strolls on off, leaving Vickie to asphyxiate via…those two random flame jets. Or something.



How will Vickie deal with this peril? Why, by zoning out and flashbacking, of course!

http://youtu.be/wAOgQPNVtDc

Yeah. One more flashback sequence to go.