The Let's Play Archive

Secret of Monkey Island

by Clavius

Part 33: The Pink Pirate

Mar 05, 2008

We've got the key! But how the fuck... ?

Well, it is a giant cotton swab...

Hey there Guybrush Jr! Not long now little buddy. Not long...

Jesus fuck! Where are you keeping all this crap?!

Wait... Don't answer that...

CROTCHMASTER™ The Narnia of stylish pirate menswear.

Was that as good for you as it was for me?

Well, here goes nothing.

Also that the gates of hell would be a gigantic fucking monkey head.

Damn! I should get a winter home down here, it's really nice! Warm climate, scenic waterfalls, wailing wall adjacent...

Wow, it looks to get a little complicated from here, I wonder what lurks beyond this cave...

We'll find out right now in a very special episode of...

Well shit.

I'm not going back into that death-hole until I know where the fuck it is i'm going.

Maybe the legendary fearsome 'cannibals' know what the hell is going on down there.

Wow, I never noticed how... huge their heads are.

I... totally forgot what I came here for damn that's a bigass head.

No thanks. Generosity is its own reward. Bye.

Well, if there's anything you ever need from us, just let us know.


I wonder if they'd call me Ace...

Ace Threepwood, oh man that would be so badass.

Wait! I remember what I was here for!

Have you come back to let us repay you for your fine gift?

Well, actually, there is something...

Tell us. What is it?

I'm sick to my ass of this island and I want out. Now.

I need a ship.

How did you get here if you don't have a ship?

I see. Say no more. Well, i'm sorry but we don't have a ship. Is there anything ELSE we could do for you?

Dammit, well, better get on with it then.

I'm looking for somebody.

Here? On Monkey Island™? We're the only people living on Monkey Island™.

I'm looking for 30 dead guys and one woman.

Oh yeah. THOSE guys.

Then you've seen the ghost pirate LeChuck and his cadaverous crew?

Those jerks have been bugging us for months! Zooming around here in that creepy ghost ship of theirs... wailing and moaning until all hours of the morning... scaring away all the cruise ship business. Normally when we have problems with the undead we just cook up our standard potion of excorcism and be done with it.

This sounds like a job for Ace Threepwood!

Give me the potion! I'll use it on LeChuck!

We can't.

Why not?

Well, the main ingredient of the potion is a very rare root... in fact there's only one in existence. We only use a little bit at a time, but LeChuck stole the whole thing!

LeChuck came in here and stole your root? What a cad!

Oh and I suppose stealing bananas is any better?

Where is he hiding it?

He's in a place beneath this island, somewhere in a huge system of catacombs.

And then LeChuck came and ruined everything, right?

No. We lost the key.
Well, we loaned it to a hermit who lives on the island.

I'm off to find LeChuck and get the root!

Sorry, but it's just not that easy. Trying to find LeChuck could be very dangerous.

The what?


[Lot of shit I don't feel like painstakingly typing out]

Orrysay. Onay.

Well, it's a navigating tool-- It's a head. It was once attached to a navigator. We kept it alive magically so we could take advantage of its innate sense of direction. Getting through the catacombs without it is impossible. But it's our only one, so you can't have it.

Hey get back here you sons of bitches.

I really need that navigaor head thingy...

I told you, we only have one. We don't know how to get another one. Sorry.

But... I made you that nice idol! I worked so hard on it too, there's love in that idol!

And now I have to go find a fucking navigators head for you?

Man, fuck you guys. Seriously.