Part 24: FREEDOM!
Update 16: FREEDOM!
This is it, folks. The last proper update.
Joel'll be sad to see us go.
We head to Badr to find Muhammad waddling around with the most of the Muslim cast watching.
My loyalties lie with the people of Medina. It is they who embraced Islam more than any other. It was only through their support that any of this was possible. They are the bricks that built an empire! I will return to die in that oasis of faith, with the praises of Allah ringing in my ears...
Way to snub, Muhammad. Take a shot.
Surah 90:2 posted:
2. And thou art a freeman of this City;-
Muhammad spares the time to give Crippley a hug.
You know what? I'm feeling generous.
Go forth and walk, Crippley. Follow me to Medina, where Muhammad is in serious need of some Aleve. And for those of you looking forward to the insanely conquests...
After conquering Mecca and returning to Medina, Muhammad and the Muslims embarked on many other campaigns to seize distant territories that are not featured in the game.
I can feel
But now Allah has given his servant a choice between this world and the hereafter - and he has the latter...
Take a shot.
And another one. So, you've elected to die, but you don't want to die because you don't want your people to be unguided. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
Surah 3:144 posted:
144. Muhammad is no more than an apostle: many Were the apostle that passed away before him. If he died or were slain, will ye then Turn back on your heels? If any did turn back on his heels, not the least harm will he do to Allah. but Allah (on the other hand) will swiftly reward those who (serve Him) with gratitude.
Hadith 3:85 posted:
The Prophet said, "(Religious) knowledge will be taken away (by the death of religious scholars) ignorance (in religion) and afflictions will appear; and Harj will increase." It was asked, "What is Harj, O Allah's Apostle?" He replied by beckoning with his hand indicating "killing." (Fateh-al-Bari Page 192, Vol. 1)
Cheerful stuff. We leave and come back to find this scene, with the same Surah citation.
Look, quit lying, I walked out of the door, took a piss, and came back. That was like, 5 minutes.
Did you not listen to Muhammad ever? Oh wait, this is MDickie, everyone has a terminal case of dumbass.
...well, actually, she has a point, I can raise the dead, but I suppose Allah wouldn't really want that.
Muhammad did not die randomly on the grounds of Medina. It was with his head resting on the lap of his wife, Aisha. It's true that he suffered intense headaches towards the end, which he valiantly fought through to continue guiding his people.
In real life, it was Abu Bakr that made people accept Muhammad was gone. In the game, the player utters his immortal lines: "Whoever worshipped Muhammad, Muhammad is dead. Whoever worships Allah, Allah is living and never dies."
"Here, let me demonstrate."
Take a shot. Wait. Oh God, the ellipses are contagious!
And so, Muhammad bites the big bazooka, and his followers all start to kick the crap out of each other. They've learned nothing from him. They still don't realize they're merely horribly coded entities in a virtual world created by MDickie where he is Allah and his code is the Qur'an's inspiration. They are stranded in this hell, and none of them can see their prison. How deliciously Gnostic.
Time to switch over to Let's Play Gnostic Jailbreak.
Be free, my wife! No longer will you be enslaved to birthing children into a non-reality!
Be free, random bystander! No longer will you suffer in this false world! I'M FREEING YOU, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? I'M LIBERATING YOU OF SUFFERING BY LIGHTING YOU ON FIRE!
My wife is taking her sweet time in leaving the prison.
Oh my dear God
The gates have been flung open. I have released the grip of MDickie upon these poor souls.
Hmmm. That lady suggested healing Muhammad. Why not give it a shot? I mean, MDickie probably has a code in place to prevent it like the one he put on Sni
Hoping beyond hope that I had irreversibly broken the game by doing a simple act that MDickie apparently didn't account for, I leave and come back. Unfortunately, the Gnostic prison's been repopulated by pod people, and Muhammad is gone.
I freed you Joel. Why'd you stay?
I'll totally trust you, Mr. Red Eyes.
Hey, it's Pompadour Guy!
This man fell over while speaking.
So yes, this is the 'riff' on the Shi'ite and Sunni rift that MDickie mentioned, once again dumbed down to babby's first history course levels.
And now, for something completely different. And offensive.
Allah starts talking to us and smack talks his own religion.
Take a shot.
Surah 49:9-10 posted:
9. If two parties among the Believers fall into a quarrel, make ye peace between them: but if one of them transgresses beyond bounds against the other then fight ye (all) against the one that transgresses until it complies with the command of Allah; but if it complies then make peace between them with justice and be fair: for Allah loves those who are fair (and just).
10. The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: So make peace and reconciliation between your two (contending) brothers; and fear Allah, that ye may receive Mercy.
Hadith 3:100 posted:
I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Allah does not take away the knowledge, by taking it away from (the hearts of) the people, but takes it away by the death of the religious learned men till when none of the (religious learned men) remains, people will take as their leaders ignorant persons who when consulted will give their verdict without knowledge. So they will go astray and will lead the people astray."
This fucking game.
To celebrate the end of the game, I get myself as close to our original appearance as I could. Also I discovered that wearing Roman armor lowers your karma at an insane rate. If I'd known this I'd have gone on SO MANY MORE FIREBALL RAMPAGES, since keeping your karma low is surprisingly difficult. Oh well.
We head up to the cave and find a child walking around.
Hey, check it out, he's wearing Muhammad's clothing and has his same hairstyle! Eh? EH? CATCH THE DEEP HIDDEN COMPLEX PARALLELS?
You could put it that way. I'd prefer to put it as 'he tripped balls, saw he was in a video game coded by Mat Dickie, and went insane.'
Take a shot. Also this sounds vaguely menacing.
Surah 18:109 posted:
109. Say: "If the ocean were ink (wherewith to write out) the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted than would the words of my Lord, even if we added another ocean like it, for its aid."
Take your final shot. In fact, finish the fucking bottle, it's party time.
En Sabah Nur turns to face the camera as he finishes speaking.
He gives us one final look of contempt as the camera zooms out and fades to white.
And now the credits. MDickie lowered his giant list of himself to one citation, thankfully.
No shit, really? I would never have guessed. Wait, what's that say at the bottom?
Oh HORSESHIT, you said yourself that- oh, I'll get to that next time.
Well, that's it then.
Well...not quite. We have a new option.
The editor lets us pick a save file and mess around with it.
We can go into each area and customize all the NPCs within it.
Let's see who's in Mount Hira.
...Arjuna. The guy from the Bhagavad Gita. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Also, note we count as a guard because of the Roman armor.
Okay, seriously this time, that's it. The End. All that's left is my two audio round-ups I'll post tomorrow along with my personal credits.