The Let's Play Archive

The You Testament

by General Ironicus

Part 8: I fought the law

Chapter 7: I fought the law

The Romans just love a good crucifixion. There really aren't that many people in this game, they're going to run out soon.

Something seems to have made Jesus' doppelganger upset. Let's try to talk to the man in excruciating pain on the edge of death.

Tell me, Charlie Brown, did you ever find the man of which I spoke? The one who would reveal God to you?

Keep listening and learning! Never think that you know everything! You haven't seen anything yet. But also prepare to suffer as I have suffered. If you're not of this world the world rejects you.

John is looking surprisingly together for a man in the middle of being executed. I guess crucifixion isn't all that bad. In an odd decision the cited passage isn't actually about John's death, but about Jesus sending some disciples to tell him that his ministry has begun. I'm kind of disappointed because talking to a severed head would be damn cool.

Did Jesus ever actually give his name in this game? I don't think so.

I finally track down not-Mary's little friend. He's not as cute as I thought.

The Truman show was a pretty good movie.

Except for the part where Jim Carrey shoved his face into a mountain.

The giant pit does exist. Apparently every map has water at a constant elevation and it only appears when the land goes down below a certain level. I had no idea the entirety of Israel was an oasis.

Our next plot point comes next door in Gehenna, a name that refers both to the afterlife for evil people and a valley near Jerusalem. I know which one feels more appropriate. In any case there's only one thing to do when in a new place.

The Hug Gospel will never die, whether they like it or not.

These two are wearing the robe that I turned into plain white rectangles. The different shading shows how skin colors are handled. There are three skin tones on faces but only one for other parts of the character model. Darker faces make a shadow fall over the hands and feet like on Rorschach there.

Here we have the man of the hour himself, MDickie. Too bad the most prominent picture of his isn't straight on. Poll question: Picasso or Flounder?

If you want to talk to him I suggest you pay on his behalf! Bring me some money and he'll be released.

Jesus has been Taxed Enough Already.

Getting money isn't so hard ever since we gained the power to fabricate things out of thin air.

The man is always keeping me down.

The Romans are a worldly people that rule the world because they have to. It takes a planet to fill their emptiness! Give to the what they require - but give to God what is God's! Pay tribute to His empire in thought and deed. I tell you one of these empires will perish soon enough whereas the other will always exist. Which is which? Nonetheless, it seems we've outstayed our welcome. Let us return to the north for your next lesson.

Jesus isn't looking so hot. He better get to work on those molecules. Mdickie must actually read backwards because this is the first verse he cites:

The Book of Matthew posted:

24After Jesus and his disciples arrived in Capernaum, the collectors of the two-drachma tax came to Peter and asked, "Doesn't your teacher pay the temple tax[a]?"

25"Yes, he does," he replied.
And again Jesus' show-stopping monologue is extrapolated from a single sentence. I hate to break it to you, but both empires end as soon as I uninstall this shitty game. In any case he beats a hasty retreat:

I don't know what Jesus is talking about when he says we've outstayed our welcome...

Well maybe I do a little bit.

Next time: Nothing happens!