Part 18: See the Rare Caribbean Elephants!
Update 17: See the Rare Caribbean Elephants!
Greetings, people of the world! As you can tell from looking at your calendars, the Very Special Update (brought to you by TNN, Tropico’s most optimistic news source) is now on the schedule of every five years instead of every two! I hope that this is still enough for our international listeners. Speaking of them, it is time once again for the international news!
A Mr. Regan has become the president of the US, and they must like him (except for Mr. John Hinckley, of course), because I have heard he has recently been reelected. Maybe it is because getting elected the first time made the Iranian hostages come home? Oh yes, the USSR also has a new premier, named Yuri Andropov. I wonder if he will last as long as Mr. Brezhnev did?
News in Latin America has also been very busy. No sooner had the Nicaraguan Sandinistas taken control of the country, but a second group called the Contras started fighting against them, some say with American backing. Argentina decided it wanted the Malvinas Islands, but the UK was not very willing to change the name from “Falklands,” so there has been a war between them. The US became tired of Grenada being Marxist, so they have gone over to change the government once again. Farther out, Poland has tried to form non-Communist labor unions, but since there was evidently an emergency, the country is now under martial law, so unions probably do not matter any more.
The new decade started out with very good news: Mr. Brezhnev agreed to smoke Tropican cigars exclusively! He did not last very long afterwards, of course, but it has driven up demand in the Eastern Bloc.
With all of the shady establishments being built in the Tourist Quarter, a new police station was built just outside the sport stadium. The tourists do not like seeing the police, but as they do not like being mugged either, they will simply have to adapt.
Also, El Presidente has finally decided on something he wishes to spend Tropico’s immense treasury on:
Statues of himself!
There’s one next to his exclusive cabaret,
Two by his Childhood Home and Museum,
Plus one more by the new station. I believe that others will be showing up in the future.
The zoo by the airport has also been finished! You can see El Presidente himself frolicking with the camels. We have even brought in several foreign animals for the foreigners to look at, like elephants, cheetahs, hyenas, monkeys, and even a pair of bottlenose dolphins! We have truly become the monkey island of the Caribbean.
To help combat the unemployment problem, El Presidente also ordered a few easily finished buildings, such as this cattle ranch. As the entire island was getting sick of chicken burritos, we were glad to have native beef to add instead!
Yet another church was built and filled immediately. Tropicans just cannot get enough of the word of God!
To take advantage of our reputation with the tourists, El Presidente ordered two new luxury hotels built.
They were an immediate hit! Why, a record number of tourists risked our charter planes just to get a room at the new hotels. The word-of-mouth of tourists who saw the zoo as they came in helped that attraction get off of the ground, too.
No one can say that El Presidente does not love his visitors.
Now that I think of it, I do not think anyone has said that at all. In fact, many enjoy yelling, “Pizzaman loves the foreigners more than us Tropicans!” very often.
But for once, it seems that Tropico has more room than it has tourists. Not very much more room, but more room all the same.
El Presidente has also declared that the time has finally come to build an oil refinery. It seems we were too late to help the Americanos with their Oil Crisis, but El Presidente has vowed that he will not let an opportunity like that go by again!
Sadly, when some of the power plant engineers transferred over to the oil refinery, this left too little power for the island, and the hospital and movie theater had to be shut down for a time.
One of the transfers, a very experienced engineer named Atsushogob, had to be convinced to leave the refinery and return to the plant. While the power at the airport had to remain off until a new college graduate could be brought over to the power station, the hospital was able to open its doors once again. And are routine checkups not more important than air traffic control?
With the new TV station, El Presidente could finally commission some foreign advertisements. Perhaps you have seen Tropico’s industrial ads? They repeat the phrase, “buy Tropico and buy a piece of sunshine!” over 36 times. We figure that at least one of them has to work, so why not try as much as possible?
In July of this year, we had another hostage threat appear on the island. Instead of contacting the world about it again, El Presidente decided that it was time to finally take “the third option.”
Sadly, the rebel agent refused to allow the cabaret dancer into his room, as he was already happy. Something like happy, anyway. Juanito does not understand. How can anyone be too happy to see a dancing girl?!
…So now there are tourism advertisements as well.
Still, the last five years have been very good to Tropico!
Now let us see how they treated our special segments!
Today’s subject is yet another foreign visitor: Kumo!
Kuno is a visitor from the US who tells us he won the trip at a bingo tournament. We must be a great tourist destination to be a prize for such a prestigious sport!
¿Qué es el bingo?
No lo sé.
After checking in, Mr. Kumo decided to try the food at the gourmet restaurant.
While there, he was able to speak with one of Tropico’s very own generals. I only wish I could have heard the great things they must have discussed!
Mr. Kuno then decided to listen to the local talent at the night club. He seemed to need to stop every ten yards to gasp for breath, however.
Later, even though he had eaten earlier and was almost out of vacation time, Mr. Kumo hailed a taxi and went to try out the food at the more traditional restaurant.
When TNN found Mr. Kuno slowly walking back to the dock, we asked him what he thought about the Tropican food. He told us that while he enjoyed the atmosphere, “Nothing can replace a good old-fashioned American hamburger. Will you guys ever build a McDonalds down here?” We may not know what a McDonalds is, but we hope you enjoyed your time here all the same, Mr. Kumo!
Espera. ¿Dije "Kumo" o "Kuno"?
Creo que ha dicho ambos.
Mierda.
Oh yes! It is time for the voting to begin. This time it is not just one edict: it is all of them!
The literacy program, social security, anti-litter ordnance, wiretapping, and sensitivity training are all in effect already, but you can pick the prohibition, food for the people, contraception ban, same-sex marriages, and bribing the faction leaders.
Both sets of development aid have been purchased, and trade missions are as continuous as El Presidente can manage, so your options here are praise US, praise USSR, ally with US, ally with USSR, and nuclear testing.
Many of the economic edicts have been taken already. Industry and tourism ad campaigns are still in effect, the Pan-Caribbean Games cannot be held here again, and pollution standards have already been implemented. Still, you can choose to vote for the headliner, a tax cut, Mardi Gras, and the Spring Break package.
From this list the options are amnesty, early elections, inquisition, book BBQ, martial law, papal visit, and conscription.
As in the earlier votes, you may only vote for one, but since there are so many and five years is so long, the top three choices will all be implemented. So please get to voting!