Part 19: Please Do Not Worry about All the Guns
Update 18: Please Do Not Worry about All the Guns
Greetings from Florida, people of the world! Yes, this is Juanito once again, and this is TNN’s official Very Special Broadcast, but as you can imagine, there have been some very interesting changes around the world! Perhaps I should get straight to them.
The very first change would be that Mr. Gorbachev has taken over in the USSR after the last Premier died very early into his reign. I do not know if it is his fault or not, but Russia has been having a very bad five years! First in ’86 a nuclear power plant blew up, then Mr. Gorbachev had a bad coughing fit when he announced the opening of the country. I hear they still call it “Glasnost,” too. The USSR then finally left Afghanistan without winning, and finally the economy ran out of money entirely! All of the East European countries are declaring their independence and leaving Moscow to fall on its own. I wonder what will happen next?
The US is not having a very good time, either. It seems that Mr. Regan was funding the Nicaraguan Contras with money taken from arms deals with the Iranians, and the Americanos are not happy that no one told them about it! Many are also wondering if Mr. Regan should have been spending quite as much as he did on weapons instead of the people of the US, especially with the very bad recession, but they have elected his Vice President in all the same.
Ah, but maybe you wonder what I am doing in Flordia? Well, since the USSR does not look to be lasting much longer, our El Presidente of Tropico has decided that there is no one left to please by refusing to let anyone visit the East or West, so he has finally lifted all travel restrictions! Juanito has decided to visit some of his relatives in Florida. Say hola to the people of the world, Pepito!
H-hola.
It is always nice to see your grandchildren, yes? The local station was also very kind and let us set up the special antenna here for the Very Special Broadcast!
*knock* *knock*
Por favor, cierra la puerta, Pepito.
Sí, abuelo.
*click*
Ah, but let me begin!
At first, El Presidente and most of his staff were puzzled by the “same-sex marriages” which everyone has asked us to allow. Finally, someone pointed out that this would allow many people who had been single up to now to marry and thus free up many rooms without having to build any more tenements. Upon hearing this, El Presidente wasted no time in signing the decree!
As you can see from this overlay, housing is not as big of a problem anymore.
He then began to set up the requirements that would allow the Holy Father to visit the island! Many Tropicans were disappointed to learn that the Holy Son and Holy Spirit would not be joining him, but we all crowded the streets to watch him pass all the same!
Mr. John Paul II seemed to enjoy the visit as well. He looked confused when the cardinals introduced their spouses, especially when 64 Bit Robot mentioned that he was married to the male doctor who worked in the clinic down the street, but then El Presidente took him aside to explain the special Tropican Catholic rites, and the Pope seemed to perk up afterwards. He was very excited when he was leaving, for instance. We are all very glad he could visit!
Tropico was also considering elections in 1985, but then El Presidente came up with a better idea!
You see, especially after Poland’s example, El Presidente realized that an excellent use for all those soldiers was to have them patrolling the streets! It was certainly more interesting than having another election.
And all the people loved him for it.
The economy is doing better than ever, with over $60,000 dollars in good exported regularly.
Tourists have also called Tropico the best location in the Caribbean for whatever you desire.
Even the airport is getting a steady stream of adventurous tourists!
Sadly, Mother Nature was not a very big fan of Tropico. Perhaps you have heard of the earthquake that hit in mid ’85?
You cannot see it very well in the still image, but the earth is shaking very badly here.
Luckily, the only buildings lost were the bank and an apartment block. It was really quite amazing that nothing else fell over, given how close the tenements are packed together.
However, this did give El Presidente an idea, and a second bank has been set up across town from where the first was rebuilt. I hear it has close ties to Switzerland, which is good, because Switzerland has a very stable economy!
In spite of the love foreigners show Tropico, the regular hotels have not been getting many clients recently, so one of them has been demolished.
As it was prime real estate, a souvenir shop was commissioned very soon after.
The poorly knitted knick knacks are a hit with the tourists. Perhaps even you, people of the world, would like some? You must come to the island to get them, however!
A beach villa was also set up along the lagoon coast. You can see El Presidente marveling over the duplex design in the right corner.
A scenic overlook was also built on the other side of the Tourist Quarter. With no need for employees, it is a very cost-efficient attraction!
Later in ’88, a second earthquake rocked the island.
It was not a very large earthquake, however, and only knocked down the Tourist Quarter car garage.
To help with a growing unemployment problem, an additional farm was set up in the Industrial Quarter, this one growing the very fertile papayas.
Earlier this year, as Tropico’s population approached 400, the Militarists started complaining again that the army was too small for the population. Since they are still acting as police, this is particularly important!
With this in mind, two more guard posts have been built, one on the outskirts of the Tourist Quarter and one near the Residential Quarter. Applications are still being processed!
But now, we shall focus on one Tropican in particular:
William the Elf!
Mr. William is one of the many Tropicans who have taken advantage of the new laws, and has married Toucan Sam the pit boss. You can see him here on his way to work at the botanical garden.
While I still do not know why the tourists love to see the Tropico plants under glass, I must admit that it looks like a nice place to work.
Here he is at play afterwards. I have been told many times that the gay people are not happy because of women, but I am glad to see they are wrong! Juanito has been gay many times after leaving the cabaret.
When we found him later, he was visiting the church to wash his sins away.
William was very glad to see us when we said we came from TNN! It seems that most of everyone is very happy these days!
But now it is time for the people of the world to vote! I may not be in Tropico at the moment, but I know that—
*pound* *pound*
Open up!
Er…no hablo Inglés.
What? Yes you do! I heard you coming in!
Mierda. ¡Pepito, la ventana!
¡Sí, abuelo!
*creak* *shuffle*
Listen, buddy, either you open this door, or we call the police and break this door down! I don’t care if you’re Mexican or Puerto Rican or whatever, you got no business being in that booth!
Prisa, Pepito.
Alright, buddy, I’m giving you to the count of 3. One, t—
¡Eh!
Huh? Hey, kid, you’re not allowed back here. Tours aren’t ‘till—
*BANG*
Aah! Oh God, my leg! You shot my leg!
¡Vamos, abuelo!
Sorry, people of the world, it seems I must be going! This is Juanito, signing off!