Part 33: Pillar Of Death
Chapter 23 - Pillar Of Death
June 3rd - 04:00
Leaf: Gentlemen we are gathered here at this hour to strike a blow for all man kind. Our very masculinity is being threatened by these ghosts from the gay dimension. They dare to strike at the Empire of Oceania? We shall strike back at their musical theater!
Parts: Their musical theater?
Leaf: That's right Private... Parts? Oh you've got to be shitting me. That is way to easy. Booya is going to eat you alive son. Who the hell gave me all these rookies anyway?
Fastball: Yeah, who the hell did give you command over the rookies?
Leaf: Vault did. Promoted me to Lieutenant.
Fastball: Damn it, I've been here since the first war.
Leaf: Whatever, I only get you and the left overs.
Leaf: Oh you of all don't get to talk. Every one else is going to make dick jokes at your expense so I'm going to save you that little bit for now. You're training to be a medic so you're going to be my spare parts. If Booya loses another kidney, I'm going straight for you.
Titan: I don't think you can do that.
Leaf: Quiet! My gaydar is picking something up... behind us! Just like those purple bastards to try and get you from behind.
Felix: I think the LT is over compensating a little.
Johanssen: Leaf was right, there is definitely something weird over here.
Leaf: Told you!
Alan: My word, that is some gaudy piece of work there.
Felix: Well that the hell is it?
Leaf: Well it's not musical in anyway... Looks more like some sort of sculpture.
Fastball: Or... It's the pillar of death everyone was talking about.
Leaf: Look at that thing. It's five feet tall, purple, and scintillating. That is not something that kills people. It's modern art. And since we can't destroy their theater today, we'll settle for their art!
Johanssen: Star spotted!
Parts: Little thing just popped up in front of us.
Felix: Defender over here! Safe to bet they've all detected us by now.
Leaf: Femur, kill that gay star. Rest of you kill that other gay thing. This is why you're all carrying energy weapons today. You're just lucky you weren't the one who spent a week figuring how to dissect them to find a weakness.
Parts: Femur? ... Oh right, spare parts, got it sir.
Felix: Burn fucker! ... Hey why isn't it burning?
Leaf: Because they're bigger flamers than the one you're carrying.
Parts: The star is down. I guess it's dead.
Leaf: Good job spleen. Last spare medic I had around here forgot his gun in the middle of an attack and got killed.
Alan: Look out! More coming.
Johanssen: Close one. Looks like a hover and another defender.
Felix: Oh shit they're coming right for me!
Titan: Pussy. Get behind me. And don't light me on fire.
Felix: It's trying to circle around. Why won't you just burn!?
Fastball: Where? I can't see a thing in this dark. Well The pyro over there is helping out.
Felix: It's not burning!
Johanssen: Trust me, it's out there.
Parts: Alan's down!
Leaf: What? Damn it... Oh come on, he's only stunned. Cloud must have got him, he'll be fine.
Parts: He's not moving.
Leaf: Look blood bank, if you want to be a medic out here you have to know when to prioritize. Alan's fine so keep shooting.
Leaf: Aw fuck, you let this gay bug zapper get behind us?
Felix: Nothing stops it!
Alan: Oh fuck my head...
Leaf: I told you he was alright. Fuck, don't they teach you guys triage anymore?
(Little note here. Alan should have been unconscious but his level 3 ranger training means he wont go down until he's dead.)
Fastball: Ah my ass! Why would you use that thing so close!
Leaf: Good news colon, an injury you can treat!
Parts: What? I am not rubbing burn ointment on his ass!
Titan: Why isn't this thing dead yet?
Felix: And why are they fighting back? Didn't Leafs reports say they couldn't do shit?
Leaf: What? They are not.
Felix: I've got energy wounds to say otherwise!
Felix: Fuck, it's finally dead!
Fastball: Hey, the rookie is right. It's definitely hitting my shields with something.
Leaf: The god damn gay bastards are evolving! How the hell can they evolve if they're all gay and thus not reproducing?
Alan: The chaps are taking significantly more ammo to kill as well.
Leaf: These fruity little aliens are going to pay. Anyone see that cloud?
Alan: I never saw it to begin with.
Johanssen: No... Looks like it's gone. Or evaporated, or whatever they do.
Titan: I had few hits on it.
Leaf: Well nothing is left then but their art. It must be destroyed!
Johanssen: Oh god it just sprayed black and gay in my face!
Parts: The purple sparkles are the worst part!
Titan: Glad I've got the fully enclosed suit. What was that?
Leaf: I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think we may have all been infected.
Alan: With what? An alien disease?
Felix: Psionic radiation?
Leaf: Even worse!
Fastball: Damn it Leaf, what?
Leaf: I think we've all been exposed to... The GAY!
Fastball: For fucks sake Leaf, you turned into such a homophobe since these aliens showed up. You used to shower with Nayo and Anti-Cheese.
Fastball: We have pictures!
Leaf: Just shoot the damn thing!
5 minutes later...
Parts: Is that thing dead yet? I'm out of ammo.
Felix: Yeah, me too. Didn't bring many spare batteries for the laser rifle.
Leaf: Well... It's stopped glowing and shit.. I guess that's it.
Fastball: Hey, it if stops sparkling, mission accomplished. Learned that one on Wargot ship.
Leaf: Yeah, good enough.
Laputa Bridge - 08:23
Tasuki: Morning commander. I've got some news for you.
Vault: Good news?
Vault: What is it?
Tasuki: The Imperial Sectoid battleship crash landed on earth a few minutes ago.
Vault: Tell me it didn't hit water.
Tasuki: No sir. It crashed in Asia. It seems pretty well intact.
Johnson: It's intact alright, we're getting a signal coming from the crash sites area.
Vault: Well, it's safe to bet everyone knows where they are then.
Johnson: Yeah, we're even seeing cult activity in the area.
Vault: Cult activity? In Asia? When did they get out of the Americas?
Johnson: Can't tell you how they got there sir, but someone from the CoE better get down there fast or else the cult are going to get first word in with the new arrivals, and since they seem to be worshiping the Wargots instead, I doubt it's going to go well.