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Drakengard

by The Dark Id

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Original Thread: Drakengard: What the Fuck...? What the Fuck?!

If you liked this LP, you might also like Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus by The Dark Id, Resident Evil 4 by The Dark Id and Resident Evil 0 by The Dark Id



Strap in, kids. It's going to get fucking weird...



What the hell is a Drakengard?
Drakengard is a third person beat-em-up/aerial shooter released in September of 2003 for the Sony Playstation 2. It...somehow...saw a really crappy sequel in 2005 for the same console. The title in question is a dark fantasy (and I don't mean Bioware's Mickey Mouse definition of the term word. There is nothing lighthearted to be found in this game. At all.) centering around a bloodthirsty sociopath named Caim as he struggles to murder the shit out of the evil Empire and the increasingly batshit crazy forces lurking in the shadows behind them.



Jun Iwasaki, president and chief executive officer of Square-Enix USA, described Drakengard as a "perfect hybrid of genres" due to its blend of action, character growth influenced by role-playing games, and a "solid story that binds it all together". According to him, the game is intended to appeal to gamers looking for a "deeper action game".

Jun Iwasaki is a fucking idiot. Drakengard is a terrible game -- absolutely awful. It isn't fun. At all. There is no fun to be found here. Look elsewhere for fun. It is a muddy hybrid of a half-assed Dynasty Warriors clone meets a poor man's knock off of Panzer Dragoon coupled with an unbearably dull grind fest.

So, why should you care? I'll tell you why. Drakengard is a product of the Enix half of Square-Enix (it was developed prior to the merger). However, the actual development was farmed out to a little company called "Cavia Inc." Cavia is a little development sweatshop which Enix, Capcom, and assorted anime license holders throw games to for a quick buck. Capcom, in particular, commissioned a game which is near and dear to my heart:

Resident Evil: Dead Aim

Those familiar with that particular spin-off title ought to know of the depths of we are diving to. For those unprepared...strap in...

No... What the hell is a Drakengard?
Oh... I have no idea. The game was titled "Drag-On Dragoon" in Japan. A fitting name, really. Some marketing suit decided that had a negative sound to it and thus the nonsense word of Drakengard was dubbed the new title. It was probably that prick Jun Iwasaki. That guy is such an asshole.

What's so "What the Fuck" worthy about this game?
Take your pick: Exploding fairies, a stage devoted to killing children, giant magic eggs, a fifty story tall little girl, nukes, apocalypse by evil clones, a variety of the less pleasant "-philia" types, Notspain. All are just the tip of the iceberg.

Hey, what happened to finishing Onimusha 3?
I'll go back and finish Onimusha 3 after I finish this. That thread was considered haunted and there is a certain buffer to be had when dealing with specters, ghouls, and other assorted malevolent spirits. Also, I wasn't having fun with it so meh.

There is more that is going to crop in this section but let's just get started. Don't be fooled by the humble beginnings...

What's are stance on spoilers in here?
I don't care if you talk about them. Just use spoiler tags or a warning if you're linking to something that is a spoiler. Unmarked spoilers of junk we've yet to get to will piss me off. Don't be a jerk. (Edit: This is now an official rule on the subforum.)




UPDATES BY DATE POSTED:



Chapter 1: Beginnings
Episode I: In Which the Hero Makes an Angry Face
Episode II: In Which I'd Rather Be Playing Dynasty Warriors
Episode III: In Which I'd Rather Be Playing Panzer Dragoon
Episode IV: In Which Caim Goes All Silent Protagonist on Us
Episode V: In Which There is Inappropriate Celebrating

Chapter 2: Complications
Episode VI: In Which Inuart is a Fuckstick
Episode VII: In Which We Ask "Who Watches the Watchers?"
Episode VIII: In Which the Developers Make it Known They Hate the Player and Small Children
Episode IX: In Which Fairies Are Assholes

Chapter 3: Chance Encounters
Episode X: In Which We Discover the Lamest Pact
Episode XI: In Which Inuart is a Wuss
Episode XII: In Which Drakengard Hates You and Everything You Stand For
Episode XIII: In Which Interracial Attraction is Discussed Via Silly Accents
Episode XIV: In Which We Learn of Elvish Cuisine

Chapter 4: Betrayal
Episode XV: In Which There is a Shocking Betrayal!
Episode XVI: In Which Our Hero Commits Genocide
Episode XVII: In Which The Quickest Way East is South

Chapter 5: Destruction
Episode XVIII: In Which We Ask "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!"
Episode XIX: In Which There is Overkill
Episode XX: In Which Old Men Are Kicked in the Head

Chapter 6: An Old Enemy
Episode XXI: In Which There is a Boss Battle
Episode XXII: In Which the Developers Spit In Your Eye

Chapter 7: Tragedy
Episode XXIII: In Which There is Making Out With a Corpse
Episode XXIV: In Which My Computer Exploded and It Took Two Weeks For This Update to Arrive

Chapter 8: Seals
Episode XXV: In Which There is a Massive Dragon Dong
Episode XXVI: In Which Verdelet Fucks Everything Up
Episode XXVII: In Which We Get the Canon Ending
Bonus Update: Where are They Now...? A Look at Drakengard 2!



Chapter 4: Betrayal
Episode XXVIII: In Which We Pick-up a War Orphan
A Look at New Game Plus

Chapter 10: Astray
Episode XXIX: In Which Leonard Wastes Everyone's Time

Chapter 9: Requiem
Episode XXX: In Which Inuart Gets Some Tail
Episode XXXI: In Which We Get We Get the Goddess Ending
A Look at Free Expedition: Part 1



Chapter 10: Astray
Episode XXXII: In Which There is Slaughterism

Chapter 11: Parting
Episode XXXIII: In Which Furiae Expresses Strong Family Bonds

Chapter 9: Requiem
Episode XXXIV: In Which the Owls Dragons Are Not What They Seem
Episode XXXV: In Which We Get the Dragon Ending
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Deux



Chapter 2: Complications
Episode XXXVI: In Which We Ask "Who Watches the Watchers?"

Leonard's Regret
Episode XXXVII: In Which We Grapple With the Issue of Child Soldiers
Episode XXXVIII: In Which We Meet the Fairy King

Chapter 3: Chance Encounters
Episode XXXIX: In Which We Recap a Crappy Chapter

Arioch's Madness
Episode XL: In Which There is a Violation of Adult Swim
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Tres

Chapter 4: Betrayal
Episode XLI: In Which We Recap the Events Leading to a Terrible Sidequest

Seere's Prayer
Episode XLII: In Which Children Are Dumb
Episode XLIII: In Which Seere Just Can't Catch a Break
Episode XLIV: In Which Caim Becomes King of the Ring

Chapter 11: Partings
Episode XLV: In Which There is a Love That Crushes Like a Mace

Chapter 12: Chaos
Episode XLVI: In Which We All Go "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Episode XLVII: In Which They Grow Up So Fast
Episode XLVIII: In Which the Devil is in the Details
Episode XLIX: In Which Seere is a Terrible Storyteller
Episode L: In Which We Get the "I Don't Even Know Anymore" Ending
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Vier



Chapter 13: Truth
Episode LI: In Which...
Episode LII: ...Drakengard Ends

UPDATES BY VERSE:



Chapter 1: Beginnings
Verse 1: The Blooding
Verse 2: To the Castle
Verse 3: Dragon
Verse 4: The Way of the Sword
Verse 5: A Pact
Verse 6: Shared Battles
Verse 7: Quarry Chosen

Verse 8: Hatred's Strength
Verse 9: Pact Price

Verse 10: Infestation
Verse 11: A Goddess Saved
Verse 12: Inuart's Song


Chapter 2: Complications
Verse 1: The Voice
Verse 2: To the Elf Village
Verse 3: The Untrod Path

Verse 4: Despair
Verse 5: Ominous Words
Verse 6: Last Words

Verse 7: A Hidden Shrine
Verse 8: A Secret Plan
Verse IX: Liberation and Slaughter
Verse X: A Lonely Battle
Verse XI: Leonard's Lament

Verse XII: Mockery
Verse XIII: After the Torching
Verse XIV: Feeling in the Dark


Chapter 3: Chance Encounters
Verse 1: Reunion
Verse 2: To the Dungeon
Verse 3: Prisoners
Verse 4: Verdelet Released

Verse 4.5: Inuart's Lament
Verse 5: The Temple in the Desert
Verse 6: The Seal
Verse 7: Dark Creatures
Verse 8: Sacred Remains
Verse IX: The Unquiet Voice

Verse X: Gaol
Verse: XI: Laughter
Verse XII: An Invitation

Verse XIII: Release
Verse XIV: Found
Verss XV: Arioch Lives


Chapter 4: Betrayal
Verse 1: Inuart's Confession
Verse 2: Pride

Verse 3: The Holy and the Profane
Verse 4: Strength Remains
Verse 5: Violent Lands
Verse 6: Caim's Past

Verse 7: Forbidden Places
Verse 8: The Last Seal?
Verse 9: Voice of Stone


Chapter 5: Destruction
Verse 1: War
Verse 2: Turning Point
Verse 3: Rapture
Verse 4: A False Peace
Verse 5: Pandemonium

Verse 6: The Gods Speak
Verse 7: Emergence
Verse 8: Menace


Chapter 6: An Old Enemy
Verse 1: Love Debased
Verse 2: A Black Dragon

Verse 3: Destiny
Verse 4: Unholy Prayers
Verse 5: Mute


Chapter 7: Tragedy
Verse 1: Realization
Verse 2: For Her
Verse 3: A Decision

Verse 4: The Sorrowful Sky

Chapter 8: Seals
Verse 1: Things Inhuman
Verse 2: Living Myths

Verse 3: The Capital
Verse 4: Joy Unknown
Verse 5: A Peaceful Casket
Verse 6: Struggle

Verse 7: Unrelenting
Verse 8: Sin
Verse 9: A Soul Sealed




Chapter 4: Betrayal

Verse X: A Mother's Farewell
Verse XI: Survivors
Verse XII: Seere's Friend


Chapter 10: Astray
Verse 1: Barriers
Verse 2: Ark
Verse 3: A Lull
Verse 4: To Drink Poison


Chapter 9: Requiem
Verse 1: Dragonfire
Verse 2: In the Name of Love
Verse 3: Sowing Seeds
Verse 4: Encounter

Verse 5: The Demon's Wings
Verse 6: Goddesses




Chapter 10: Astray
Verse 1: Barriers
Verse II: Hear the Ocean
Verse III: The Gods' Will


Chapter 11: Parting
Verse 1: Maze
Verse 2: Dream and Truth
Verse 3: Falling Petals
Verse 4: Anger Checked


Chapter 9: Requiem
Verse 3: Sowing Seeds
Verse IV: Sleep
Verse V: Providence

Verse VI: Under a Dark Sky
Verse VII: Light




Chapter 2: Complications
Verse 4: Despair
Verse V: A Distant Sound


Leonard's Regret
Verse 1: The Forest of the Seal
Verse 2: Smells
Verse 3: Grief
Verse 4: Uncommon Mercy

Verse 5: The Memories of Faeries
Verse 6: Gleaning
Verse 7: Dragon's Rest


Chapter 3: Chance Encounters
Verse IV: Regret

Arioch's Madness
Verse 1: The Soughing of the Waves
Verse 2: Her Favorite Things...
Verse 3: Lantern Fishing
Verse 4: Playing Alone


Chapter 4: Betrayal
Verse VI: Seere's Sister

Seere's Prayer
Verse 1: A Stony Path
Verse 2: Remote Giants
Verse 3: Tossed About
Verse 4: To a Friend

Verse 5: Journey
Verse 6: A Silent Place
Verse 7: Gone Without a Trace
Verse 8: Pursuit

Verse 9: A New Sword
Verse 10: Coliseum
Verse 11: Gratitude and Carelessness


Chapter 11: Partings
Verse 1: Maze
Verse II: Hide and Seek
Verse III: Betrayl
Verse IV: Loved
Verse V: Paradise


Chapter 12: Chaos
Verse 1: A Little Thing
Verse 2: Extermination
Verse 3: Toward Truth
Verse 4: Gaia's Laughter

Verse 5: Different Endings
Verse 6: Abnormal
Verse 7: The Great Time
Verse 8: A Little Hero

Verse 9: Awakening
Verse 10: Seere's Solace




Chapter 13: Truth
Verse 1: A Journey
Verse 2: New World

Verse 3: The Greatest Battle
Verse 4: Recursion


Free Expedition:
A Look at Free Expedition: Part 1
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Deux
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Tres
A Look at Free Expedition: Part Vier

BONUS CONTENT:

Videos -
Drakengard Gameplay!

Music -
Drag-on Dragoon OST Volume 1 and 2

Artwork -

Railoc and my bored collective asses.


Merry Christmas from Drakengard's cast!


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