The Let's Play Archive


by Roar

Part 8


After that dissapointing affair with the Leafians, Bowie decided it'd be best to just cut our losses, forget that that fuckhole even exists and head on to Protoa. Here is the path to Protoa, complete with ice - wait what's that?

Oh God not those flying things again.

Damnit. It hit me twice and then knocked me down the ice slide. I hate those fucking things.

Here's Protoa. A random port city that has a castle! Plus, the first new armor since Brynmaer.

[] Wait, what? Mountain water? How does that make you profit? Do you bottle it and sell it, or does it bring you gold dust and then you mine it out or something? This is confusing, sir/maam, confusing.

[] In fact, just stop talking.

[] Zzzzt.

[] Jus' sleep it off, okay.

[] What the hell? Akahana is awesome. He's a nice guy and you are a dumb whore. I am totally going to Paralyze you.

[] I liked them until they attacked me for no real reason. Now I'm not so sure. :/

[] Wow, I so don't care.

And here's the castle! Isn't it pretty.

Here's the inside of the castle. Seriously. This is the whole castle. On the left is a room with three dudes...

They're boring. Here's the transcript, clockwise from Bowie:

I'm Evans. I teach etiquette here.
The Queen is in the center chamber.
We'll do anything for the Queen.

Yeah. Exciting. Here's the room to the right, with three chicks:

They're boring too. Here's what the other two girls are saying...

Hey, don't bother me! I've got to worry about fixing the Queen's meal!
The Queen is very kind and intelligent.

I guess we'll go visit the queen. Is that okay? Mr. Guard?

[] Oh okay. Good advice.

[] Hi, queen. I suppose you're going to know me and tell me that I'm the saviour of mankind?

[] oh. Um, yeah, I actually am. Climbing through the mountain makes me a hero? Does that mean that the entirety of the Draygonian army are legendary too?

[] Are you gonna give me anything? The last two elder types that I met did.

[] I guess not. >:|

Bah. Okay, more exploring to do, I guess.

[] A fortune teller? That is witchcraft and I will have no part of it. But seeing as I have nothing better to do, eh, what the hell.

[] look awfully familiar.

I accidently overwrote the screenshot, but she said something like:

[] You want me to read your fortune? K. ...

[] You're not a very good fortune teller. I'll have you know she's not seeing anyone else today. I'm going to go prove you wrong right now.

[] Well, fuck.

[] Um, I'm not really staying here. I'm kinda on a quest, I think. Are you, like, the only other person who doesn't know what that quest is? We have that in common. I like you.

Well, hell. Okay, let's go tell the fortune teller that I stand corrected.

[] ...okay, seriously, she just kicked me out. What the hell. Okay, whatever, you can't be right all the time.

[] Okay, something is getting really screwy around here.

[] .... Okay, whatever.

[] You know what, fuck it, I'm going to ask her what's up with this shit.

[] Now where the fuck did she go?!

[] There's something fucked up with you, that's why I'm shy.

[] That has nothing to do with anything. Stop being like the Leafians and just explain to me what the fuck.

Repeat trip to fortune teller and back to queen.

[] Okay that's it. Something here is fucked up and I want to get to the bottom of it.

[] Sorry dude. Sleep tight.

No sign of the queen. What the hell is going on round here? Let's go find her through that door. No doubt she's in her poofy little room, powdering her cheeks and laughing at my confusion.

What the shit? This is fucked up to hell.

All around her back room, we only find a river. This is crazy as hell. Now what do we do?

Next time: We actually fight stuff.

And, in closing: The most obscure commercial I can possibly think of. Come on, he's not even purple.