Part 25: Rise of the Machines

Last time on the Jerk Show Neptune actually stuck to screwing up her own land instead of someone else’s. Now, on the Jerk Show…

After finishing their business in Planeptune, our heroines headed to Lastation. The nefarious Avenir corporation had another job for them.

Video- “Backstab”

Watch

Hey, you’re that funky solicitor who keeps popping up ever since we saved you! Are you workin’ hard or hardly workin’?
Ganache: …It’s been ages since I heard that. Do I seem busy? I’m taking half the week off. I’m basically done preparing.
I’m so envi-… No! That’s against the labor laws. I knew you were a twisted bunch!
Ganache: Well, most manufacturing is done by the machines now, so…
Oh, right-o. Your guy hates people technicians, yeah? Most of the work is done by machines, huh?
Ganache: Yes. Anyway, let’s cease the gossip and get back to the topic at hand.
This facility here is older than you think. It was already closed down a few years back, actually.
And you just abandon a perfectly good building like that? How selfish. So what are we doing here?
Ganache: There are still some important materials stowed away. We want you to find and collect them all.
We have to give you everything we find? I don’t know if I like this job description…
Ganache: No, just the items we specify. You can pocket whatever other garbage you find.
Now it sounds like we’re just getting table scraps. I still don’t really like this.

This guy is really evasive on details, I mean this is obviously a trap.



Ganache: Less like items, more like materials. We’re looking for a certain type of raw ore.
You want three cute girls roughing their delicate hands looking for rocks?! Whatcha gonna do with rocks anyway?
Ganache: They’re unrealistically useful. They’re also very scarce since monsters have started to get in the way of our mining.
Of course, they’re not just normal rocks. One possesses enough energy to power a game console for ten thousand years!
Ten thousand years?! That’s awesome. So we’re getting something really awesome?
Ganache: Yes, you got it! A lot of our products are used outdoors where power outlets aren’t an option.

Yeah, it was a trap.



Ganache: What did I do? Oh dear… I’m sorry. It seems there was some malfunction and the entrance has closed.
…Actually, this is all according to plan. We’ll have you tasty little girls get eaten by the monsters here!
Wh-What’s happening? I hate being in the dark like this. Please open the entrance now!
Ganache: Uh-oh… Fine, I guess complete darkness isn’t quite fair. I’ll turn a few lights on so you can see where you’re going.
But, but, but why?! Don’t you wanna get the rocks?
Ganache: …Really? You seriously believe there are rocks able to power a game console for ten thousand years?
I lied about that to get you all riled up. This job is from me, personally. I used the company’s name, but who cares?
What’d we do to you?! Why’re you doing this? I thought we were kinda like neighbors!
Ganache: I met someone a while back and since then, I’ve known about you… Neptune.
You’re stalking her, too? Nep, were you some sort of super villain before you lost your memory?
No way!
No way!
I know Nep-Nep very well, and Nep-Nep has only been Nep-Nep all this time.
You can’t be sure of that. I want to trust her too, y’know. I was just joking, okay?
Iffy…
Ganache: Oops, one last thing. This building will explode in a few minutes. Sorry for the cliché ending. Farewell!
What?! …He’s gone. What should we do? There are monsters around and we don’t know if there’s another way out.
Okay, let’s concentrate on getting outta here first. Next time we see him, we’ll kick him where it hurts!
Were you listening to me at all? That optimistic, one-track mind is your main weakness and only strength…

Sadly I guess they didn’t get blown up, because this trap wasn’t really for them.

Video- “The Killachine”

Watch

I wasn’t giving up. Anyway, I wonder if that guy really thought this was gonna do us in.
Well, being trapped inside a building crawling with nasty monsters is a big deal!
We could’ve been a meal for any of them, you know?
…I mean, he’s seen what we’re capable of. I doubt he really thought this was going to be effective against us.
We’ve made it out safe n’ sound! What else matters? We’re done for today so let’s go grab some grub at Chian’s place!
Look… What’s all the commotion? Did something happen?
Chian: …Haah, haah… Please, help! Avenir’s robots invaded my factory!
I guess that jackass was just trying to keep us busy for a while. It wasn’t personal, after all.
This is so horrible. Everything’s been ruined. How are they supposed to work now?!
He did all this, eh? This is absolutely, positively, most undeniably unacceptable!

I guess you can’t get everything you want.



Boss Battle: Killachine
This thing is a real pain in the ass. The Killachine hits very hard and can inflict the Lo-Tension status on you, which makes your abilities cost half AP but do significantly less damage. In order to be safe, you should have whoever’s staying out Defend at somewhere around half their max AP. This should insulate you from the otherwise brutal damage you’ll take in this fight.

Anyway Avenir’s killer robot was defeated, but the factory was in ruins.



Chian: Ugh, dammit! I can’t lose hope yet. You guys still have the test model I gave you, right?
I won’t give up. I swore to myself I wouldn’t let anything get to me like when I heard the expo was cancelled.
Oh, yeah, the test model! You can still go to the Expo with this bad boy!
Chian: Of course. So, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to take it back until after the Expo.
System Message: Chian reclaimed ‘Mech Sword Armas.’
Wh-Whaaaat? Aw, why? You just gave it to us like a second ago!
Chian: I said until after the Expo! I can’t risk it breaking before then… and there are some modifications I’d like to try.
Ugghhhh, fine, whatever. I’ll let you borrow it for a little bit.
Chian: I don’t remember giving it to you to keep yet. I thought it was pretty clear you would get it after the Expo ends.

Can we stop seeing these scenes where I have to be embarrassed by how bad my enemies are at everything?



U-Um, no. I think I can do it alone. Go ahead, Nep-Nep.
You don’t gotta be so shy! You’ve got like, a totally bombshell body!
Hey, don’t grab someone’s breasts from behind!
Zach: What the?!
Aghhhh!
H-Hey, who the hell’re you? Who sent you?!
Zach: I’m… I’m so sorry! I’ve got the wrong room…!
Oh? Fine.
He seems kinda cool, though… H-Hello, my name’s Neptune! Who’re you, what’s your job and favorite kind of pie?!
Zach: Um, my name is Zach Unfair. I’m unemployed, but I want to be a game creator. I enjoy peach pie.
A game creator, eh? Sounds like a pretty bright and happy future!
Zach: I hope so. I want to find a job soon so I can start making games like GG7!
Oh. Yeah, GG7 is a pretty good game.
I didn’t think you’d know about GG7!

I mean seriously they waste more time on random crap than anyone I’ve ever met.



Zach: Yes! It’s got such an epic, gripping story!
The part where they revealed the main character’s past was done so nicely.
Mm-hmm. I agree.
Zach: …Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to take up your time.
Right.
Zach: Sorry for the intrusion. Have a good night.
…
What the heck, Iffy?! You two seemed like you hit it off and had a good little chat! Why not seal the deal?!
Sh-Shut up! It’s not like that. Just get your rubber ducky and take your stupid bath…!

Okay not everyone.



They actually came up with an okay plan this time around, though.



The Sanctuary serves the CPU and goes on missionary quests, right?
Oooh, so if we find ‘em, we might get to bump fists with the goddess directly!
You just thought of that? Well, it doesn’t matter because despite my efforts, I can’t locate them.
We might have to speak with another heretic to get some answers…
You think a heretic would really know anything?
People can’t be oblivious to all this information-snuffing by the Parliament. The heretics don’t care about that, right?
Girls, it’s time for work. I heard an old, helpless man is being attacked by creatures outside of town!
…?!

Just as earlier they found a heretic willing to talk to them.



Another heretic. I’m glad you seem able enough to carry on a normal conversation.
We’re looking for the Sanctuary group who got the boot by Parliament. Whatcha know about that?
Heretic: I heard they relocated to Colline, where the old Basilicom used to be…
What a convenient answer! So easy! We got all the info we needed right off the bat.
…Are you not thinking of returning to the town?
Heretic: Returning? No point. The messenger isn’t revealing itself. We’ve all been forsaken.
The… messenger? Why are you waiting for this person? What will the messenger come and do, anyway?
Heretic: The messenger would have taught us the way to salvation, away from Overlord Momus’s clutches… but it’s useless now.
…Is there anything else? Leave if you’re done.

It’s weird how reliable the information of crusty old heretics is.

Video- “Sanctuary”

Watch

I heard nobody lives near it. Maybe that’s why information was scarce for me.
I just hope someone is really here. This place looks way too haunted for normal people to live…
I d-don’t see any lights… Maybe Mr. Heretic was wrong. I think we c-can still go home!
Don’t even think about running away with your butt between your legs! You’ve got me here. Excuse us, we’re coming in!

Yeah, he was dead on.



Whoa! Wh-Wh-What’s up with this? Do we look like bonanza sisters or something?
The Sanctified: …Oh, just a few little girls. I’m sorry. We’re not used to visitors. Are you selling cookies?
No… You all seem so tense. Is someone trying to hurt you or something?
The Sanctified: Very much so. Avenir’s automated weaponry have already paid a visit to a few of us.
What? Why would Avenir be such a bully? The Parliament got their cake and ate it when they took over the Basilicom, right?
The Sanctified: They’ll never rest until every last one of us are dead.
Even after being driven out, the public eye still believes we’re part of the Basilicom’s system. Oh, come on in.

Also hello, you’ve been to my Basilicom and it’s much better than this shithole.



The Sanctified: We remodeled this room. We couldn’t possibly welcome the goddess in such a filthy place.
We typically don’t use this room for guests, but I’ll make an exception.
Question! Is the CPU gone right now?
The Sanctified: Not just now. We’ve not seen her for nearly three years. We’re concerned something’s happened to her.
So we can’t talk with her about Avenir… Is there anything else we can help with?
The Sanctified: We’d like the assistance, but we have no solid proof of Avenir’s activities due to… many reasons.
What about Chian’s factory? It was totally crushed by Avenir. That’s a whopper of proof!
The Sanctified: The Parliament will go and conceal the entire incident. If anyone defies them, they’ll be driven away, like us.
Their military and political might is engulfing Lastation from both sides.
We’re thinking of a countermeasure. As soon as we can find a connection between Avenir and the Parliament…
…We worked with Avenir a few times. I remember a Basilicom member substituted once to explain our job to us.
Oh, that’s right. They were saying scary stuff like ‘dead or alive’ for some monster tissue and stuff!
The Sanctified: If that’s true, the equipment made from the monster’s tissue could be our proof. If only we could get such a thing.
All those mechanical meanies are Avenir’s product, right? I’m sure they’ll poop one out if we keep bustin’ ‘em up!
I don’t know the odds of such a peculiar drop, but that’s the only way to go about this.
It sounds like a lot of work, but if it’s for justice, I’ll do it. Even small efforts can be the seeds of great success!
The Sanctified: Thank you for this invigorating discussion. We’ll await your return with the hardware and expose those cretins.

Anyway, is this going anywhere at all?

Next Time on Hyperdimension Neptunia: Expo! Yes, this is going somewhere!

Brought to you by Lady White Heart.