The Let's Play Archive

The You Testament 2

by Daeren



Welcome back. Last time, I went apeshit and murdered my family with hellfire. This will never come back to haunt us.

Let's go see what the next story update is!

Please, please let "light them on fire" be a dialogue option.

You may be enslaved by your egos (take a shot) but I am not! It is of no consequence to me what you think. My only allegiance is to Allah - not men! It is from him that all powers come.

Except for the Satan Explosions.

Wait, were there performing seals in 600s Arabia? Were there SEALS in 600s Arabia? Probably not.

That red eye and spatter of blood is all that happened to Muhammad after the massacre by the way, even though he was caught in half the explosions.

Like, say, by lighting them on fire!

That...nevermind. Pick your battles, Daeren.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to impress men. Allah will withdraw his power if you abuse it.

I just killed, like, twenty people at once and I can still use miracles. I think you've got some holes in your logic, Muhammad.

Surah 29:50 posted:

50. Ye they say: "Why are not Signs sent down to him from his Lord?" Say: "The signs are indeed with Allah. and I am indeed a clear Warner."

About a half second later, this happens.

Whether it's people or possessions, a dynamic soul attracts what is needed like a magnet! Meditate on this power and you should be able to gain access to it for yourself. But be careful! It's not always good to make yourself the center of attention.

Surah 34:36 posted:

36. Say: "Verily my Lord enlarges and restricts the Provision to whom He pleases, but most men understand not."

That sounds disturbingly sexual.

Wait, you said you didn't use a miracle to attract people, then told me how to use the miracle you were using to attract people.


Actually, as you can see by the floating bag of money, Magnetism does actually draw items and people towards you when you meditate with it highlighted.

By pressing S, you can use the Force to yank people or objects to you.

Let's make a pit stop at Zamzam on the way to the next update.

As you can see, the area is slowly repopulating.

However, there's still some corpses left.

What lies in wait for us?

HOLY SHIT! MY TWO KIDS THAT JOEL ATE! Apparently murdering my family allowed them to spawn into existence after all this time!

You are not so far removed from Allah, so you should understand better than most!

Would you trust that face with your children?

"Whatchu talkin' bout Muhammad"

That's not a kid at all! That's like, a grown man on his knees!

Uh oh.

Surah 18:80 posted:

80. "As for the youth, his parents were people of Faith, and we feared that he would grieve them by obstinate rebellion and ingratitude (to Allah and man).

Well, maybe my kids will go easy on me.


Muhammad and En Sabah Nur flee halfway across the map.

The problem goes deeper than I ever imagined. It may be time to give up on these people. They are like rotten fruit that can never serve its purpose again and must be disposed of!


They know what it's like to be persecuted. Perhaps we will find solace with them? They have an outpost in Abyssinia. We must go there and seek their support...

Oh dear. Take a shot, I think we'll need it.

MDickie posted:

The game shows Muhammad meeting the Christians of Abyssinia when it was in fact a party of Muslims sent at his behest. I also place Abyssinia in walking distance when it was in fact another country across the Red Sea in what is now Ethiopia.

Hey, wait a minute! When'd we get to Jerusalem? Well, Muhammad's over there in the corner, let's go see how badly MDickie Muslim meets MDickie Christian dialogue will rape our brains.

MDickie Muhammad is an insufferable egotist who wants to force everyone to believe what he believes.

Oh God DAMNIT Snidely, don't you have women to tie to railroad tracks?

And railroad tracks to invent?

Uncle Phil?

Damn, way to argue that you aren't an egomaniac, Muhammad.

The kids, as you can see, beat him up harder than a barrage of Satan Explosions did.

Oh this will end well.

But a reflection of something is not the thing itself. You are in error if you mistake one thing for the other. Islam dictates that no one and no thing can be compared to Allah! It is idolatry of the worst kind.

Not only does he doubt Christ's divinity but he also doubts that the man was even crucified!?

You know, I sort of hate to admit it, but Snidely's got a point here. At least for Muhammad-with-MDickie's-script.

It was the BODY of Jesus that was crucified. His soul was submitted into the hands of Allah. This is the true meaning of Christianity and Islam. To honor the spiritual at the expense of the physical.

Oh man, this is about to get awesome.

The difference between us is no greater than the river you crossed to get here. You are welcome back across that bridge any time. Your God is our God and we all are one...


The original meetings between Muslims and Christians were cool at best. Speaking like this to a Christian leader would have gotten your ass handed to you, not made him convert! I'd accept this if it was written better, but the way it was framed it's like this:

Snidely: Dude, help, there's this crazy asshole who's trying to make a religion.
Uncle Phil: Is this true?
Uncle Phil: Hey, take that back!
Uncle Phil: You're awesome. Let's be bros!

Anyways, here's the cited verse, and the start of MDickie being a dickless revisionist moron who tries so hard to make Muhammad seem like a flawless shining human being that it's more offensive than if he had just left in the not so nice bits.

Surah 4:157 posted:

157. That they said (in boast), "We killed Christ Jesus the son of Mary, the Messenger of Allah.;- but they killed him not, nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjecture to follow, for of a surety they killed him not:-

Gee, that sure said he wasn't crucified. Or killed. MDickie, what do you say?


During the meeting with the Christians, Muhammad's views on the crucifixion differ from what is written in the Qur'an. He genuinely didn't believe Christ was crucified at all, whereas I render it as a misunderstanding about the difference between body and soul.

God damnit, MDickie. You knew this. You knew this and still left it in. Grow a spine.

Suddenly, a mystery guest appears!

Yep, it's Satan Iblis. It's Satan from You Testament with cooler clothes.

He's the second NPC that your powers don't work right on.

Sorry man, way ahead of you. Big fan, though.

Surah 15:39 posted:

39. (Iblis) said: "O my Lord! because Thou hast put me in the wrong, I will make (wrong) fair-seeming to them on the earth, and I will put them all in the wrong,-

As was said in the thread, Iblis serves to 'tempt' you into sinning using your powers. This generally amounts to him telling you what the S key does with the power. However, there's no real downside to falling into temptation other than it lets you get Satanic Explosions quicker, sooooo

Hmm. Using Appearance on him would let us get our red eyes back, and let us see what he looks like under the veil. Let's give it a shot!